


Love, Death, Rebirth

by My_Marvel_Musings



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Choose Your Own Ending, Explicit Language, F/M, Separate Endings, So much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-11-18 15:05:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 36,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18122720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Marvel_Musings/pseuds/My_Marvel_Musings
Summary: Reader and Steve Rogers are a couple back in the 1940s before Rogers volunteers for the Super Soldier project. While he fights in the war, Reader becomes a captive of Hydra. When Steve wakes up 70 years later, he comes across a startling surprise during a raid of a Hydra base.Requested by: Nanamy





	1. Guys and Dolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Steve are couple visiting the World's Fair where Steve is too distracted to see what he has.

"Do you really think we'll see a flying car?" You asked, trying to hide your excitement. All around you the World's Fair was a fun, chaotic mess.

Steve gave you a smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He had been quiet all night, refusing to talk to you about what was bothering him. You had tried asking Bucky, but all he would say was that Steve was having a rough week. It bothered you that Steve wouldn't open up to you, but all you could do was let him know you would be there for him when he was ready.

"That's the rumor, doll." Bucky answered from ahead of you two with his arm wrapped around his date. "We just need to find where it's at."

You linked your arm with Steve's and smiled over at him. His return smile was more genuine. "You look like you're ready to bop right out of your shoes, _____."

A blush creeped onto your face. "Oh, I know you think it's silly but I just find it so fascinating that this could be a possible future. Imagine what else could be accomplished."

"Yeah, maybe they can make it so I can one day be strong enough to protect you." He tried to mumble under his breath, but you were too close not to catch the words.

Ah there it is, the root of the problem. Steve must have been rejected again from Army Recruitment. You couldn't understand why he kept trying to join despite the fact that he was clearly unqualified from a medical standpoint. He said it wasn't right being left out from defending his country; you said it was a blessing that you didn't have to spend your night worrying if he would return from the war. Time and again you tried to draw him away from the desires of trying over and over to apply to fight with the army by talking about your future together. But he never took the bait.

It probably didn't help that it had been Bucky to set you two up, not Steve making the first move. Or Steve's constant uncomfortableness when it came to his own body, especially when you were with him. It never escaped his noticed that you were already an inch taller than with without heels and could probably pick him up if you tried (you never did). Or that guys twice his size were always trying to hit on you even with Steve standing right there. He always felt he wasn't good enough for you, despite all the times you tried to say that you loved him for who he was not who he was trying to be and that you would be proud to always be by his side.

Bucky had told you to just give Steve time and that soon he would see what he had. But you were worried that if you didn't try harder, Steve would wander off and never return. The only problem was you were running out of ways to convince him and it wasn't proper for you to propose to him - though in all honesty, you felt that would really be the only way to show him your love.

Soon your small group was pushing their way to a stage where a sleek red car was on display with five beautiful women in suits and top hats standing before it. 

"Ladies and gentlemen!" One began, "Mr. Howard Stark!"

A good looking guy with dark brown hair, matching eyes, and a mustache came sauntering onto the stage in a very sharp suit. He gave the announcer a kiss before motioning to the other women. They immediately broke formation to take a place at a corner of the car.

Howard Stark brought the microphone up to his mouth and began his spiel. "Ladies and gentlemen. What if I told you that in a few short years, your car won't even have to touch the ground..... anymore."

The women behind him were quick to remove the tires from the car and moved aside so everyone in the audience could get a good look at what looked like small engines were the tires once stood. Howard walked over to a control panel and slowly moved a lever. A loud sound began to echo throughout the pavilion as the car very slowly lifted off the ground.

"Holy cow," you heard Bucky whisper in awe as his date clutched to his arm in excitement.

"Steve, can you believe this?!" You breathed and turned to look at your boyfriend..... who was looking over his shoulder. "Steve?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry doll." He turned his attention back to the stage just as the car came crashing down.

Howard laughed sheepishly. "I did say a few years, right?"

You clapped along with Bucky and his date before you noticed that Steve had wandered off. Excusing yourself, you quickly ran off after him. "Steve, wait! Where are you going?"

It didn't take long to find him and when you did, you had to suppress a groan. Of course he found a recruitment tent in the middle of all this fun and chaos. You could see the longing in Steve's eyes and a pang of jealous ran through you. He's never looked at you with the same desire as when he looked at a recruitment tent. Just beyond Steve, you could see an older man speaking with a couple of possible recruits. Steve took a step forward to join the crowd, but your voice stopped him.

"Why, Steve? Why am I not enough? Why can't you just make a life here with me instead of chasing what can't be?" 

He sighed, but didn't turn to face you. "We've been over this, _____. I have no right to sit at home when other people are off fighting for their country. I should be doing my part."

"And, what, you're too good to work in a factory?" You couldn't hide the bitterness in your voice and you barely noticed the older man now paying attention to your conversation. "What about me? Did you ever stop to think what will happen to me once they finally catch you for lying about who you are? Or what would happen to me if they were to take you and some Nazi snapped you in half like a twig?"

He whipped his head to look at you and you instantly regretted your words. Never once had you brought up how small Steve was compared to others; to you it never mattered. But secretly, deep down, you knew he would get crushed by enemy soldiers if he ever did make it across the ocean.

"Forget it, doll," Bucky sauntered up to you both, "I've seen that look before. There are so many important jobs, but he won't hear about them."

"I'm not going to sit in a factory! Bucky, there are men laying down their lives. I've got no right to do any less than them. That's what you two don't understand. This isn't about me."

Bucky nodded his head, "Yeah, cause you've got nothing to prove." He takes a step back and then gestures at you. "Or even care about the one other person that cares about you."

"It's not like that!" Steve fumed.

"You could have fooled me, Rogers." You give your boyfriend one last look before turning around.

"Hey Serge, aren't we going dancing?" Bucky's date questioned.

"Yes, we are!" He turned to follow you. "Don't do anything stupid until I get back."

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

Bucky threw a small smile over his shoulder before linking arms with his date and walking off. You started to follow until Steve called out.

"You're leaving?"

You didn't bother turning around. "Why not? Apparently all you need is right inside that tent. If you come to your senses, you know where to find me."

Steve sighed but didn't try to stop you as you walked off after Bucky and his date. You tagged along for the a little while longer, but without Steve there, you were feeling like a third wheel.

"You ok, _____?"

"Sorry, Bucky. I guess I'm... I'm just-"

"Thinking of Steve?"

You nodded your head and looked down. "I just want to be happy with him but he's so...."

"I know. He's always been that way. You'll get used to it."

"No, I won't. I've tried to be understanding, but it's obvious he doesn't want the same things that I do. I'm losing him, Bucky, and I don't know if I should cry or not."

"Hey, hey! Don't say that! Steve loves you. It's just this war is one more reminder of his position. You know how he hates bullies."

You rolled your eyes. "You don't have to tell me twice. How many times have you guys shown up at my door with him looking beat to hell?"

Bucky chuckled. "Just, give him a few days ok? I'm sure he'll go back to normal."

But you ended up not having a say in the matter. A few days after you cool down, you went to Steve and Bucky's place to find it empty. At first you thought maybe Steve ran down to the market, but days stretched into weeks with no sign of him. You feared the worst: a bully finally got the best of him, he was arrested for lying on his enlistment form, he was actually taken into the army.

Round and round the thoughts chased each other in your head day after day until there was a knock on your door. You quickly opened it hoping for some news and was met with a tall, well-built blonde man on the other side.

"I'm- I'm sorry. Can I help you?" You looked over the man in confusion.

The man broke into a sheepish grin and you couldn't shake how familiar he looked. Like....

"Steve?!"

"Hey, doll."


	2. Super Soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tells Reader what happened to him before he leaves for war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a side note: the three fics I'm writing right now I will try to have completed by April 14th. If you've read enough of my stories you know on top of Marvel I'm a huge Game of Thrones fan (books and show) and once the final season starts, my brain will become mush. Plus I'll be crying into a bottle of wine (two when Endgame comes out).
> 
> But requests will remain open! Request in the comment section of any of my works (sorry I don't have my request page anymore *side eyes whoever reported that. Freaking killjoy.*). Or go to my-marvel-musings on Tumblr to request there and see my list of who I will already write for in regards to Marvel (MCU and comic book wise). You can also request for someone not on my list and I'll see if I can make it happen.
> 
> Thanks everyone!

“You..... you let them experiment on you?” The two of you sat in your living room, Steve across the room from you to give you some space to process what he was telling you. "You had absolutely no idea what this serum would do to you or if it would even work and you just say 'sign me up'? What were you thinking?!"

Steve sighed and bowed his head. He had hoped you would have welcomed his new, stronger form. But from the moment you opened the door you looked at him as if he was a stranger. And frankly, he kind of was one.

"Dr. Erskine assured me-"

"Wait, Erskine? You let a German doctor work on you?!" You stood up and began to pace the length of the room. "We are at war with Germany and you let one of their doctors work on you?!"

"It's not like that, doll. He's working with our government. Stark and Peggy said-"

"Peggy?"

Steve stopped with a sigh. "Peggy Carter. She's working with the SSR against Hydra, an extreme branch of the Nazi party. She saved Dr. Erskine from them."

"Oh God," you sunk back into your chair. "Steve.... this all seems like so much. Why did you do this?"

"____, you know I've never been happy with who I was and what I couldn't do. To be honest, I thought you'd like my new form."

"I loved you how you were. You were my Steve, the tortured artist who would draw me the sweetest pictures," Steve chuckled at this. "I don't recognize the man before me. Is this permanent?"

"I think so." He crossed the room to kneel and take your hand. They were so large now, they engulfed yours and it felt very strange and foreign to you. "_____, I'm sorry for making your worry. But I met Dr. Erskine the night of the World's Fair and it all snowballed from there. The program died with him, but I have a chance to make a real difference in the world."

"I always thought you could. Before all this."

"Tomorrow they give me my assignment. I was hoping we could get dinner tonight." Those same blue eyes from your youth looked up at you full of hope.

You looked down at your linked hands, bringing them up to press a kiss to Steve's hand. "There was a time when I would have jumped at the chance for a night out with you, Steve Rogers. But I still need time to process all of this. In just a few weeks you've become a completely different person. A person who's willing to let strangers experiment on them. Who now looks nothing like the boy I grew up with and fell in love. I still love you, but this is still too new."

His face fell and he nodded his head. "I understand, doll. Maybe you'll save a dance for me when I get back?"

"Sure, Steve." You smiled sadly up at him as you watched him walk out your door. Tears began to pour down your face the moment the door hit home.

What had he done to himself? Had he really been so desperate to be someone else that he would just risk his life like that? Did Bucky know? Most likely he didn't as who knew if he got any letters where he was. You wished he was here. Only Bucky seemed to be able to talk any sense into Steve. 

Drying your eyes, you squared your shoulders and committed to continue to live day by day until Steve returned from.... well, whatever his orders would be. Hopefully by then you will come around to his new identity and see if it was possible to continue building a future together.

Time slowly passed for you as you went about your daily life. Work, the store, home, work, the store, home, church on Sundays, and all over again. Your nights were very lonely and you regretted not taking Steve up on one last dinner together. You wrote to him hoping he was safe, but his letters came back vague and cold. Was Steve mad at you?

Then one night at the movies, all his distance and empty letters made sense. Before the featured presentation an ad for war bonds came on the screen featuring Captain America: The Man With A Plan. At first you barely paid attention to the ad as the man in a red, white, and blue head-to-toe outfit marched about with a line of beautiful women behind him. Until he spoke. It was Steve!

“Oh, Steve! Is this what’s become of you? All that hard work and hoop jumping just to dance with the USO?” You whispered. No wonder he wouldn’t tell you more in his letters. He wasn’t angry, he was ashamed. Steve finally joined the army and they made him into a dancing monkey. That night you cried for Steve. Not for losing him, but for him losing his dream.

You wrote to him the next day explaining what you had seen and how you wished he had told you sooner. The wait for a response was excruciating, but finally it came. The envelope was bulky and you couldn’t remember the last time Steve had written you so much.

_______,_

_I’m so sorry you had to find out that way. It wasn’t my intention, but I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. You were always so proud of me no matter what I did. Not even Bucky could put up with my moaning when my drawings didn’t come out right. And dancing around the stage hasn't exactly been the highlight of my military career. I can hear Bucky's jokes now. Speaking of, have you heard from him yet? I've tried to look up his unit with no results._

_As for my position with the military, things may change soon. I’m scheduled to go overseas for the troops. Howard Stark and Peggy Carter are to meet me there and hopefully give me a new assignment. A real one! This may be my chance at something bigger!_

_Before things get too crazy for me, I want to see your beautiful face one more time. To make up for having you worry for me when I disappeared. And for not talking to you first about the Super Soldier Project before signing up. With Stark’s help I think I may be able to get you out here for a short visit. Nothing dangerous. You would be staying in a village away from the action. Please say yes!_

_Your favorite artist,_  
_Steve_

The next couple of pages contained hand drawn photos of you holding your favorite flower. It was by far his best work and you teared up at the memory of you and Steve during happier times. You couldn't help the smile on your face as you read his letter again. It was crazy, but you couldn't resist the urge to see Steve again. Quickly you wrote him back agreeing to go to Europe to see him before he got his bigger assignment.

As you awaited his response, you planned for your absence from home. Your boss wasn't thrilled with the idea of you taking time off from your job as a sale clerk, but you convinced him to let you leave once you found someone else to cover your shifts in the meantime. The elderly lady who lived next door to you was happy to have her granddaughter go to your home every day to check on your plants while you were gone. You even managed to scrape together enough money to pay your rent ahead of time.

Everything was all set and your bag was packed when a knock came from your door. When you opened it, you saw a couple of men in suits and no smiles. 

"Good evening, Miss. ______. We're with Mr. Stark. He has asked us to escort you to the airfield personally."

"Thank you, gentlemen." One grabbed your bag while the other led you out to a car outside your apartment. The drive was long and painful as neither gentleman would even interact with you. You were beginning to become annoyed when you reached the military air base.

You climbed out of the car and walked towards the plane with your two escorts. As you looked around the small military plane, a familiar face came out of the cockpit. "Aren't you...?"

The man smiled at you and took your hand to place a kiss on the back of it. "Howard Stark at your service. I'll be your pilot today."

"So you're the one taking me to Steve. Well, let me go ahead and express my thanks ahead of time."

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "I was under the impression you weren't thrilled with me."

"Well, no. At first I was quite mad at you and Dr. Erskine for doing what you did to Steve without even telling me. I still don't know if it was a good thing, but I guess time will tell."

"We made your man bigger and stronger and you're complaining about it?"

"I loved Steve for who he was before you crammed him into his test tube. His body changing does not change who he was on the inside and makes no difference to me. I would have married him either way."

Stark looked you up and down before nodding his head. "Then you're one of those few good people in the world. And that's exactly what Rogers needs right now. So let's get this metal tub in the air, shall we?"

You flashed him a small smile before finding a crate to sit on for your flight.


	3. London

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader heads to London with Howard Stark to wait for Steve. She finds out she's not the only one wanting to talk to him.

"Wait, what do you mean 'Steve isn't here'? Where is he?!" You stood in front of Stark with your hands on your hips, refusing to move so he could leave the plane.

Howard sighed. "I was waiting to tell you once we got to your hotel. Steve was in Italy when he found out that his friend's unit was taken over by Hydra. I flew him into the war zone-"

"WHAT?!"

"Can I finish?" You pressed your lips together and waited. "He found the unit and brought them back. Once the men have been checked over, they're supposed to report back to here where Steve will tell them all he found out about the Hydra base. He'll be here in a day or two, doll. I promise."

You shook your head. "God damnit, Steve."

"Yeah, that's kinda what General Phillips said when he found out Steve left without permission."

"Fine. Let's get going then." Stark helped you with your bags into a car and you traveled through the streets of London until you came across a tiny hotel tucked down an alley. "Are you sure this place is safe?"

"Trust me," Howard grunted as his pulled your bags out of the trunk, "if I even thought about putting you somewhere unsafe, Steve would literally toss me over enemy lines."

You couldn't help but smile at that. "I'm glad to know he still cares for me."

"That he does. It gets annoying at times listening to him. Honestly, I'm amazed Carter hasn't slugged him already."

A frown threatened to cover your face. There was that damn name again. You know it was irrational, being jealous of a woman you never met. But part of you did wonder why she spent so much time with Steve. "What do you know about Peggy Carter?"

If there were a few things Howard learned during his years as a playboy, it was to recognize the dangerous tone of a jealous woman. He answered you carefully, not meeting your eyes as he led you through the hotel. "She's an agent with the Strategic Scientific Reserve. They were formed to fight Hydra and saved the doctor that headed the project that changed your man. Carter has been a vital part of Steve becoming who he is now."

"What? A circus monkey?" There was no hiding the bitterness in your voice. "I saw what happened to him after he was changed. What a waste of resources if you ask me. You built this perfect soldier only to make him into a joke. Causing him to take matters into his own hands."

"That wasn't my idea. I just built the equipment, I had no say on Rogers after all was said and done. Blame Phillips for that."

You sighed and let him hold the door to your room open. It was small and quaint, the air a bit stiff from not being used for a while, and a small bathroom off to one side. As Howard set your bags down, you fought with the rusted window until you were able to open it a crack. At least now you'll have fresh air.

"Don't leave that open too much. It rains frequently here."

"Thanks for the warning. Is there anything else I should know?"

Stark looked at you seriously. "Keep a low profile. Hydra loves to plant themselves everywhere. If they find out that's Steve's gal is here and unguarded...."

You nodded your head. "I'm just an American tourist."

He smirked at you. "I'll be by once I have an ETA for Rogers."

"Thanks, Mr. Stark."

For the next two days the London hotel became your home. You got to know the staff very well and only left to visit the bakery a few doors down. The old ladies behind the counter worried over you like you were one of their own and it made you miss your family back home. Just when you felt the loneliness would be too much, Howard left a message for you at the hotel's front desk.

_Steve's back in town. Meet him at the tavern up the road tonight._

_-Stark_

You wouldn't stop smiling as you raced up to your room to quickly bathe and change. You had brought the nicest dress you owned and styled your hair in the latest fashion. Soon you'd be back in Steve's arms to talk and move past your last fight. Now that you knew he wouldn't die so easily over here, you could warm up to the idea of the new Steve far easier. 

Butterflies claimed your stomach as you walked down the street to the tavern. The loud voices of returning soldiers hit your ears before you even walked through the door. As you walked through, dozens of eyes turned towards you and the commotion slowly grew quiet.

"Well hello there, pretty lass," called a man from behind the bar. "How can we help you?"

"I'm looking for Steve Rogers."

Before the man could reply, you heard a familiar voice behind you, "_____!"

You turned to find Bucky strolling over with a warm smile on his face. "Bucky! You're alive!"

He embraced you in a tight hug, "yup! All thanks to Captain America."

"Are they really calling him that now?"

"Most people. Not our little unit."

"Your unit?" Bucky offered you his arm and led you towards the back of the tavern.

"Yeah, we have plans to hit the remaining Hydra bases. Steve managed to get a good look at the map when he was saving my dumbass."

"Oh you boys. What am I going to do with you two? How long before you leave?"

"Not for a few more days. Steve's supposed to meet with Stark about a possible uniform and weapons he may want to use."

"And you?" Bucky just smiled at you. You turned to ask more questions, but your voice became stuck in your throat. In front of you sat Steve and a very beautiful woman in a tight red dress. You suddenly felt like a peasant the moment you laid eyes on her. She sat a little closer to Steve than you would have liked and you could tell by her smile she was trying to flirt with him. Steve had a shy smile on his face but didn't look like he was trying to encourage her. 

Bucky cleared his throat and the two people lifted their heads. The woman looked at you in confusion while Steve's face lit up. "_____! You're really here!"

"Of course, Steve! You asked me and I could never say no to you." You glanced quickly at the woman before being swept up in Steve's embrace. "I've missed you so much. Bucky tells me you saved his life?"

Steve turned bright red. "I was only doing what he would have done."

"There's that Steve I know and love." You tugged on his uniform until he bent down so you could give him a kiss. Before you had a chance to enjoy it, you heard the woman clear her throat.

"Forgive me, we haven't met before. I'm Agent Peggy Carter with the SSR."

"It's so nice to meet you. I'm ____ ____. An old friend of Bucky and Steve's girlfriend."

"Girlfriend?" There was no hiding the shock on Peggy's face. "Oh, well that's great you could come out here to visit Steve."

"Yes. Steve had asked me to visit in his last letter. It was before he decided to go AWOL in order to find Bucky," you smirked up at Steve, "but that's just who they are. I grew up with these boys and wouldn't have expected anything less."

"This must be quite the change, then. Seeing him like this."

You looked Steve up and down. "It was quite a shock at first - he looked so different from the man I fell in love with - but I know the Steve I love is still inside, even if the outside has changed."

“I’m glad you approve of the changes and are no doubt very proud of him. Well, it is getting late and you two must have plenty to catch up on. And I will see you tomorrow, Steve.”

“I’ll see you then, Peggy.”

After she left, you turned towards Steve. “Tomorrow?”

“Yeah, Stark is developing some weapons for my team to use. Pe-, uh Agent Carter and I will be going over them tomorrow.”

“Oh. I was hoping to get a little more time with you.”

“I know, doll. And I promise I’ll take you out for the best dinner tomorrow once I’m done.”

“I’ll hold you to that, Rogers.” 

Steve began to lead you to the table he had been sitting at when Bucky walked up. “Sorry, kids. We gotta pick this up another time. Phillips is on the phone for you, Steve.”

He sighed and looked down at you. “I’m sorry, _____. But I’ll see you tomorrow night?”

“Of course. We have a lot of time to make up for and I need to apologize for the way I acted the last time I saw you.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for. I did a lot of this without consulting you. Let me walk you back.”

You smiled and stood on your toes to give him a quick kiss. “It’s ok. It’s only a short walk. Don’t keep the general waiting.”

“Love you, doll.”

“Love you too, Captain.”

He blushed at your words and followed Bucky to take the phone call. You sighed and headed back out the way you came. The night air was crisp and you wished you had brought a jacket with you. As you walked along the quiet street, you could have sworn you could hear footsteps following. But as you turned around, a hand wrapped around your mouth as a needle pressed into your arm. The world swirled around you before everything went dark.


	4. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve finds out Reader is missing while she tries to figure out where she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, guys. I've had a general idea as to where I want the story to go but my brain has been shouting 'no' at me for the past few days. Ah the life of a writer.

Stark hid behind a pillar of the military bunker holding Peggy back to keep from charging at Steve. "Just let him get this out of his system. Then you can talk to him."

"Why is he so upset?" Peggy tried to peek around the corner and immediately ducked back out of the way as a prototype shield whizzed by.

"He found out about _____."

Peggy looked over at Howard. "What do you mean? He knows she's here."

"No, she's not. Not anymore anyway. She failed to make it back to her room last night. Steve had asked me to check on her before coming over here and her room was untouched."

"Maybe she just went out for a walk."

"I would believe that, but  _nothing_ has been touched. I mean, no obvious change of clothes, bed turned down, anything. I highly doubt she slept in the clothes from last night and then decided to take a walk in them."

Peggy frowned at him. "And what were you doing going through her things?"

"Don't judge me! Steve gave me specific instructions to keep an eye on her. When it looked like she never returned to her room, I peeked in her closet to see if maybe she left a clue behind. And in a way she did because there wasn't a bag of dirty clothes for the hotel laundry."

"What do you think happened to her?"

Stark sighed. "I told her to be careful while here and the hotel staff confirmed that when she left it was never for long. So my guess is it's either an odd coincidence or someone from Hydra followed Steve up here and saw her at the tavern last night. Considering how quietly she was taken, I'm going to rule out coincidental kidnapping."

The deafening sound of metal shields being tossed around finally came to a halt so Stark and Peggy carefully made their way around the pillar. Steve was standing in the middle of the destroyed room, head hung low, fists clenched at his side. "This is all my fault."

Peggy raced to his side. "Don't say that! There was no way to predict what would have happened."

"No, this is my fault." Steve glanced over at Peggy. "If I had just listened to ____, if I had tried to make a life with her instead of always trying to join the army, I'd be with her back in Brooklyn. She'd be safe by my side."

"And if you had never taken the serum, you never would have found your friend's unit and saved over four hundred soldiers." Peggy reached over and grabbed Steve's hands. "You are a hero to all those people you saved. Without you, they wouldn't be here."

"So I basically traded her life for theirs." Steve pulled his hands away and walked over to the map of London. "I need to find her. Now."

Howard immediately shot forward. "Bad idea, Rogers. You're scheduled to leave tomorrow with your Howling Commandos." He skidded to a halt when Steve turned a murderous look on him. "Listen, let Peggy and I look for her. We'll keep you updated with anything we find by telling Phillips. You finally have a chance to truly help. Use it where you can."

Steve looked like he wanted to punch a hole through the wall, but instead he clenched his fists and slowly nodded his head. "I should be the one to find her, but you might have better luck with all that technology you own, Stark. Just... please bring her back in one piece."

"Will do," and with that, Stark ran out of the room before Steve could start hurling heavier items than shields.

Peggy hung back to talk to Steve. She hadn't meant to, but while she was helping him to train before he underwent the procedure to change him she had fallen in love with Steve. How he looked after the transformation hadn't helped. And now she had to watch him agonize over another woman. She didn't have any right to be upset; she was able to admit that much to herself. You had been there first, had staked a claim on his heart long before either even knew of Peggy's existence. But it still hurt to watch Steve be in pain and not being able to comfort him. 

"Steve?"

He just shook his head and plopped down in the nearest chair that he hadn't turned into a pile of splinters. "I'm sorry you had to see that, Peggy. I've known _____ almost my whole life. For a while it was just her, me, and Bucky. And to know that she's gone just rips my heart out. Bucky'll lose his mind as well. He was always protective of her and was actually the one to set us up. I had no idea she had any feelings for me until Bucky intervened. Honestly, I always thought she would have ended up with him instead. They seemed more compatible to me but that was probably because I could never really picture anyone falling in love with the skinny, little kid I was. All she wanted was for us to start a life together but instead I joined the army. And now I've lost her."

Peggy closed her eyes for a moment before stepping over to Steve. She reached down and took one of his hands. "This is not your fault. And Stark and I will find her, I promise you."

Steve looked up into her face contemplating her words. He could tell she had feelings for him. Well, now that Bucky had pointed it out last night after you had left the tavern. And if he hadn't known you, hadn't loved you, he could see himself easily falling back. He could tell how much this was hurting Peggy and appreciated what she was offering to do. "Thank you, Peggy. That means a lot to me."

"You're welcome. Now we better get you ready for your mission tomorrow." 

Meanwhile, you were slowly waking up to discover you were being kept in a fairly dim, dank room. You tried to clear your head so you could think, but there was a pounding headache threatening to split your skull in half. What had happened to you? You remember visiting Steve and Bucky, walking back to the hotel alone, and after.... wasn't someone following you? Did someone follow you? They must have as you couldn't remember your hotel being this dingy.

"She's starting to wake up. Go find Dr. Zola," you heard a gruff voice command followed by the sound of a heavy door opening and closing.

You blinked a few times until your vision began to return. The room looked to be made of bricks - perhaps a basement of a building - with a steel door at one end, one table with a chair, and another chair you were sitting on. Well, rather tied to. And directly in front of you was the biggest, scariest looking guy you had ever laid your eyes on. And you had seen a few in your days thanks to Steve's pension for picking fights with bullies.

"So nice of you to finally join us in the waking world. We figured you had to be tough to be Captain America's dame." The man lumbered over to you. Fear made you want to scream but the drugs that were still in your system left you mute. You tried to scoot away and almost fell over backwards in the process. The man quickly grabbed the arm of your chair and you were inches from his face. "Now, now. You're not going anywhere until you talk to Dr. Zola. And after you do, the only place you're going is your cell. Unless you want to make other arrangements."

You closed your eyes and tried to pull your face away. Just then, the door opened back up and the man stood up to place you back on all four chair legs. Two more large men walked in followed by a shorter, balding man wearing glasses. The two man stayed by the door to stand guard while the other man came over to you. He took the chair at the table and nodded at the man standing next to you, who easily picked you up - chair and all - before setting you down on the other side of the table.

"Hello, young lady. I am Dr. Arnim Zola and I want to speak to you about a few things. I promise we won't hurt you."

"You boys sure have a funny way of showing it," you managed to croak out. "And if you guys are who I think you are, you might as well get straight to the torture."

"Now that's no way to behave. We just have a few simple questions about your friend and the program he underwent."

At this you couldn't help but start to laugh. "Well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I know nothing of the program. He didn't even tell me he was going to do it until after the fact. So you're wasting your time holding me here. I know less than even you."

"Oh, forgive me I misspoke. Yes, we will ask you questions about your Steve Rogers. But in regards to the program, I have been almost able to replicate perfectly what Dr. Erskine was trying to accomplish. And since he took back Sergeant Barnes, we are in need of a new test subject. Now, Herr Schmidt does not think it wise that I use a woman. But I think that who could be better to be the Captain America other than his own girl. How would he be able to bring himself to harm you? To stop you?"

Every cell in your body fought the urge to scream in fear and instead keep your head up. Just like Steve would have. "You're crazier than I thought if you think I would fight Steve just because you want to pump a weird chemical into my arm. I'm not a soldier and I don't fight."

The doctor regarded you for a few minutes before a smile grew across his face. "No, of course you don't fight. Not yet, anyway. And we will get our answers."

He nodded his head and the large man grabbed your chair once more, only this time to drag you out of the room. You struggled and kicked, screaming so loud you could swear they would be able to hear you back in America. But it didn't do an ounce of good as you were dragged into a room with a large, flat operating bed in the center with bright lights shining down.

"You guys are crazy! I'll never tell you anything so you may as well just kill me!"

"Oh my dear, we always get our answers."


	5. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader is a prisoner of Hydra. Time and memories become meaningless to her as they move her from one facility to another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! Game of Thrones has stolen my life. Better late than never!
> 
>  
> 
> Seven Hells, I keep seeing all my grammar/spelling errors.

"Fire Guard, do you comply?" 

The gruff voice was almost enough to catch your attention, but you were barely hanging on to your own body at the time. You felt a hand slap across your face, but still you didn't respond. In fact, you barely noticed the impact despite your head snapping back.

"How is she doing? Have you gotten a response from her yet?" Came a familiar voice.

"Not yet, Doctor. She is trying to resist the training."

"We may have to put her under like the Winter Soldier. Keep working with her until that time comes. I was hoping to get a shot at Captain America with her, but I heard he crashed Red Skull's plane into the ocean."

Captain America. The name buzzed at the back of your head like a fly that wouldn't leave. Why did that name sound familiar? You shook your head as you tried to clear your thoughts. Why were you worried about such a weird name when you could barely remember your own? It was... was....

Every day more and more of your memory was slipping away, taking with it everything that made you who you were. At first you were able to fight off whatever Hydra was trying to do to you. But the more they persisted, the more you forgot. The day they pumped those drugs into your system had been the darkest one by far. Your body changed in ways you didn't think was possible, developing the level of strength and agility you never thought you could possess. And yet, you couldn't even bring yourself to feel anything anymore about what had been done to you. What they were doing to you.

You knew the people that had you were horrible but for the life of you, you couldn't remember as to why. There had been a time you dreamt of someone busting in and saving you. Someone who had once meant the world to you. Now they were like a dream you couldn't grasp as you woke up.

The days were all the same: shoved awake, fed some form of gruel for breakfast, drilled over several different languages, lack luster lunch, fight club where you got the crap kicked out of you, a lousy dinner, and then back into your cell to sleep. You were getting better, faster, stronger each and every time. What would have normally taken you days to learn even one word or phrase in another language, you were having whole conversations. The first few times you fought you were defeated, but not because of lack of strength but lack of knowledge. Once you had the footing down, you were an equal match to your trainers. And soon you were over powering them without even trying.

You also had daily meetings with Doctor Zola as he tried to assess where you were mentally after your transformation. He pulled up a chair to the table you always sat at during these meetings. "Fire Guard, how are we today?"

But you refused to answer him as always. While you couldn't remember why you hated the people who had you, the one thing you could hold on to was it was this man's fault. And if you had your way, you'd choke the life right out of him.

"If you continue to chose not to answer my questions, I cannot promise we will be any kinder than we have been thus far."

You head snapped over to look at him. Kind? Had he lost his mind? You may not be able to remember much, but you knew kindness was not one of the things that had been offered to you at any point during your 'stay'. With lightning fast speed, you flipped the table out of the way, grabbed the doctor by the neck, and slammed him against the wall. Zola squirmed and choked against your grasp and you could feel a small smile form on your face, despite a voice in the back of your mind desperately trying to remind you that this wasn't who you were.

But the joy was short lived. A metal rod was brought down roughly on your arms and you cried out from the pain. Then a hand grabbed you by the shoulder and tossed you across the room. You collided with the wall and slid to the floor, barely noticing how the doctor was being pulled quickly from the room. In an instant you were back on your feet and facing the man who had attacked you. He rushed at you with the metal baton in his hand aimed high. You grabbed it, twisted hard snapping his wrists, and wrenched it free. Before you could hit the man across the face, Dr. Zola began to chant a series of words in Russian.

Crying out, you dropped the weapon to cover your ears. Not these words, not again. When ever the chant was started, you knew you were going to leave your mind and they would have control of your body. Every time you tried to fight it and every time you failed.

And this time was no different. You already felt a lack of connection to your body, your mind, your past, but now you weren't even present.

Dr. Zola rubbed at his throat. "Fire Guard is proving to be to unstable. Put her in a cryotube and wake her with the Winter Soldier when it is times."

"Yes, Dr." The guard pulled on your arm and you obediently followed down several hallways until you stood in front of a large, metal tube. Like a robot, you climbed into the tube, turned around to face the room, and stood like a statue as the lid was lowered over your body.

When you became aware of yourself again, you faintly registered that you were in a different facility. The men before you were strangers, but you still understood they were in charge. Slowly so they knew you weren't a threat, you stepped down from the cryotube. An older gentleman in a suit approached you.

"Good morning, Fire Guard. My name is Alexander Pierce. Do you know where and when you are?" When? That sort of a question would have never occurred to you. Pierce could see the confusion you were trying to hide. "I know it's a little disorienting right now. That will pass. You're in a Hydra facility in Washington D.C. and it is the year 2014. You've been in a cryotube in a frozen state ever since the 1940s. You'll be training with another weapon of ours until we feel you're ready for mission on your own. Is that understood?"

You numbly nodded your head. Pierce smiled and went to pat you on the shoulder before thinking better of it. He nodded his head and a group of men led you down a hallway. 

"So Rumlow, you think Cap will stand a chance against these two?" One of the guards behind you questioned.

The man to your right smirked. "Not a chance in hell. Not even a guy that big can fight two other super soldiers at the same time. Winter Soldier already took care of Fury. Imagine these two together on the field."

"We may not find out if the Winter Soldier succeeds today," commented the man to your left. "And we'll get rid of the Widow as well. Two for one."

"Can't see us being that lucky," Rumlow muttered.

They led you into a room where a larger man with long, dark brown hair waited. When he turned around, something buzzed in the back of your head when you met his brown eyes. Like a memory long forgotten. You cocked your head to the side as you tried to place what was so familiar about the man before you. He clearly felt the same as his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

"Fire Guard, you'll be training with the Winter Soldier until he leaves on his mission later today. If all goes well, you'll go with him in a few days."

You gave a quick nod of your head and the men left the room, all except Rumlow. He watched as you and the Winter Soldier sized each other up. Soon, the two of you were circling each other in a silent agreement to begin the training. He was bigger and taller than you, but that had never slowed you down before. Your movements became blurry to the naked eye as you and the Winter Soldier traded jabs, blocks, and kicks. Rumlow moved around the room in an effort to keep up with the pace you two were setting. 

As the two of you fought, weird images kept popping into your head. Images of this man, only slightly smaller and skinnier, in a military uniform, with the brightest smile you had ever seen. Standing next to an even smaller, blonde man with an equally bright smile. Both men looking at you in adoration. You jerked back and shook your head, distracting yourself enough for the Soldier to place a punch in the gut. The air rush out of you as you hit the ground with a loud thud.

The Soldier pinned you to the ground to end the fight when you saw a shift in his eyes. He clearly recognized you as well, but couldn't place as to where from. He hesitated and began to lower his fist. Rumlow grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him off.

"Hey, there'll be none of that!" His words struck you as odd and after several minutes of awkward silence you realized why. He thought the shift in Soldier's eyes was attraction, not recognition. As if it were possible to feel anything anymore. "Get back to the command room. You leave in the hour for your target."

But Soldier just nodded his head and left the room. You looked up at Rumlow for a moment before vaulting to your feet. "What are my orders now?"

It was the first words you have spoken since being freed from your tube. Rumlow sized you up and down. "For now, you'll wait in the command room. We want you there to watch the Winter Soldier at work so you know what's expected of you."

"Yes, sir."

You followed him back down the hall into a room filled with machines you had never even dreamed of and screens larger than you had ever seen before. Far larger than the televisions you used to see in store windows. Again that strange feeling took over you as a tiny part in the back of your mind noted that someone you once knew would have loved to have seen all of this latest technology. But just as quickly as it came, the feeling left leaving you with an almost unnoticeable hole in your heart. 

Patiently you stood towards the back of the room as you watched the monitors. Rumlow explained how Hydra had infiltrated a government organization known as SHIELD and that they had hacked into their system to watch the gunfight that was about to take place.

Soon the monitors filled with the Winter Soldier poised above a bridge. He began to take shots at the car, but everyone could tell something went wrong as the car didn't veer off course. Soldier abandoned his spot and jumped onto the car as it passed underneath him, punching through the window and pulling out the steering wheel. The passengers poured out and you couldn't help but instantly notice the tall, blonde man that ran out of the car holding a round shield. He and Winter Soldier went head to head, occasionally interrupted by a red headed woman who had clearly had training. Finally, the guy threw the Soldier to the ground and his mask fell off. The man uttered one word, but the Winter Soldier just looked at him in confusion. That's when a barrage of vehicles came in.

"Don't worry," Rumlow whispered towards you. "Those are our men."

But you weren't worried, though maybe you should have been. For the two men on the screen were tugging at your heart and you couldn't figure out as to why.

In a few hours, the Winter Soldier was back at the compound in a chair as his metal arm was being worked on. His dark brown eyes met yours, but his words were for the men in the room.

"The guy.... on the bridge. I knew him."

Pierce stepped forward. "You met him on a previous assignment earlier this week."

Soldiers eyebrows furrowed and looked at you again. "But he knew me. He called me Bucky."

Your jaw dropped and a barely audible "Bucky" escaped past your lips. Pierce immediately whipped his head to look at you. He growled in your direction. "Put them both back under."

"But Mr. Pierce, the Winter Soldier has been out too long."

"Fine! Then wipe him and start over. As for her," he looked over at your with an alarming calm, “send her to Siberia. She clearly knows who Soldier is which means she very well knows who Cap is. Wipe her as well and send her overseas."

"Yes, sir!" The Winter Soldier was shoved backwards into his chair and given a piece of plastic to bite down on. You could only watch helplessly as they began to mess with his head, knowing full well you were next.


	6. Siberia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader guards a Hydra facility in Russia when someone unexpected comes in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm rewriting Civil War. It needed to be done for this story.

You walked around the silent Hydra facility, making your daily rounds down the same paths and around the same corners. For the past two years it never once changed. Your footsteps echoing around the empty building was the only noise to be heard. The end of your path always took you to the same spot: the cryo chambers. 

There were five large tubes placed in a semi-circle lining one edge of a large room. Inside each tube slept a frozen super soldier, left over from the experiment started after December of 1991. When you had first arrived two years ago after being sent away from D.C. with no explanation or instructions other than 'follow orders', you had been tasked with training these soldiers. And when you weren't training you were patrolling, all in an effort to make you tired and weak against the soldiers. They were strong, but you were stronger and after a year of failing to take you down they were put in the tubes. And you were sentenced to guard them until someone came back for all six of you.

This had once been the place where the Winter Soldier was kept. He had been the one to secure the super soldier serum and made to originally train with the new recruits. But when Hydra gained more footing in SHIELD and people had to be taken care of, he was moved to the states and you had taken his place shortly after. The agents here were clearly given specific instructions regarding you and what you may or may not remember. So certain words were avoided and if you accidentally mentioned one of the forbidden words, you tazed and dragged back to your cell. It only took a month to condition yourself to avoid every word they wanted you to forget.

Hydra's plan to keep you isolated was almost foolproof. Almost. You mind had been wiped back in D.C., but every once in a while as you slept images crept into your mind that you couldn't explain. Of a small, blonde man that seemed to have cared for you at one point. Another man, taller and brown hair who seemed far more familiar than the blonde. Of names that always seemed to be at the tip of your tongue but vanished by morning. These dreams would haunt you as you walked the facility every day, and you had no way of getting rid of them or contacting your handler. So you suffered in silence every day.

Today seemed like every other one. Wake up, freeze dried breakfast, first lap around the facility, freeze dried lunch, second lap around the facility. That's when you noticed something was off. The power flicked for the first time in two years and then you heard the grinding sound of the ancient elevator turning on. You removed your gun from its holster and was at the elevator shaft in less than a minute, despite being across the facility from you. You stayed close to the wall on one side as the doors parted and an average man with brown hair walked in. He was dressed for the arctic weather and was carrying a case with him. He barely stepped past the door before you pressed your gun to the back of his head.

"Clearance code," you demanded in Russian.

The man remained calm. "I'm afraid I don't speak Russian. Beyond a few choice words that is. They work on the Winter Soldier. Tell me, would they work on you?"

The Winter Soldier? Panic rose and was quickly put out with a very basic truth: this man wasn't Hydra. Before he could even think to utter the words you feared, you hit him on the head with the butt of your gun, knocking him out. You easily picked up the man and tossed him over your shoulder, carrying him off to the main chamber. There you found a chair and tied him down as he began to stir. He opened his mouth - no doubt to start chanting the words you hated so much - and you immediately covered his mouth with duct tape. 

"There will be no need for that, which is a shame. I would really like to know why you are here and how you know the Winter Soldier. But since you can't be trusted, you'll just have to sit here until I figure out what I should do with you."

The man watched as you paced the room wondering what the protocol for a breach like this would be. Death, no doubt. Simple and swift. But something bothered you. Who was he? And how did he find this place? If he could find you, anyone working for him could as well which meant this facility was no longer safe. But then what to do about the other super soldiers? You weren't equipped to work the cryo tubes and you very well couldn't leave them unguarded. Which left only one solution: death for all six and for you to take whatever punishment Hydra would dish out.

In the blink of an eye, you pulled your gun out and shot each super soldier through the tube right between the eyes. The man jumped as best he could while tied down and he quickly went from confused to scared shitless when he saw the gun pointed at him.

"You've compromised this place. I don't know how or why but you have. And now Hydra will have to punish me for getting rid of all their hard work. But it will still be preferable to the punishment I would receive if I left them unguarded. Who knows if anyone is following you. And the last thing will be to take care of you. I guess whatever intel you received was given to you incomplete. Or you may have never walked into this death trap."

As you were getting ready to pull the trigger, the sound of the elevator once again echoed through the building. You instantly pointed the gun at the entryway to the chamber, unsure of what was about to greet you. But you were completely unprepared.

Three men walked into the room, one in a full metal red and gold suit, one in a blue outfit and helmet carrying a large, round shield, and the last one....

"Fire Guard?" The last man called out in Russian, both hands raised in surrender.

"Winter Soldier," you responded, your raised gun hiding most of your face. "Why are you back and why are those men with you?"

"We're looking for the man you have tied up. He bombed the U.N. and framed me for it."

"Framed you for it? You weren't acting on Hydra's orders."

"I don't do that anymore. I broke free."

The words sunk in but left a weird feeling inside you. Broke free? Was that even possible? You had thought so, but it had been so long ago that it felt like a different life time. 

As you tried to process what you were told, the man in the metal suit pulled his helmet back and you instantly recognized the face of Tony Stark. Which would make his companion....

You shook your head as your brain tried to override your desire to not think of the forbidden words.

"Hey, Sara Connor. It's ok. We're not here for you. We're here for the man in the chair and to keep the super soldiers from being released. Which you seemed to have saved us the trouble on that."

He was walking around and over to you, trying to get close. Your arm moved to follow him, exposing your face.

"_____?!" The man in blue spoke up. "Is it really you?"

You tore your eyes away from Stark to look at his companion. His blue eyes could be seen inside his helmet and they looked so familiar. What parts of his face you could see were filled with disbelief. Clearly this man thought he knew who you were.

"I don't know that name and I don't know you."

The man turned to the Winter Soldier. "Bucky, did you know about this?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Bucky. There was that name again. Tickling the back of your brain. Bucky.

Winter Soldier's face was pale. "I- I didn't. I remembered vaguely that I trained with her years ago, but I never really saw her face or spent time with her outside training."

"Damnit, Bucky! Did you know?!"

"No, Steve! I didn't! I didn't care about anything then. Not even who I worked with."

Steve. Another name you had heard once upon a dream. Without realizing it, you began to lower your gun. Stark took that opportunity and approached you. Without hesitation, you raised the gun and fired. But he was too quick and the helmet was back in place. He grabbed the gun and crushed it with his metal suit so you picked him up by the waist and tossed him across the room. 

You turned on the other two men and Steve instantly raised his shield for protection. As you went to attack, Bucky jumped in the way and stopped your attack with his metal arm. Steve watched as the two of you danced around the chamber fighting, wanting to help but not wanting to hurt you. You who he thought was dead all this time and showed up just a mysteriously as Bucky had.

Tony was not so worried and sprang up behind you, grabbing your arms to pin them behind your back. But years of training and super soldier serum made you an equal match. You flipped forward taking Stark with you, but he activated his thrusters lifting you into the air.

"Stark, put her down!"

"She tried to kill me!"

"Her name is ____ and she was my girlfriend in the 40s!"

"Oh for fuck sake, Rogers! How many people from your past are just going to magically pop up?"

Stark brought you back down and the moment your feet hit the ground, you broke your way free. You raced out of the room and down the hall and the three men tried to race after you, but you knew this facility better than they ever could. Taking a shortcut, you hopped over a railing and dropping down two floors. Bucky dropped down after you, followed by Steve, but by then you had made it into the hidden hanger and onto a jet. 

Steve and Bucky watched helplessly as you started the jet and took off out of the hanger. But that didn't stop Stark as he took off after you once he burst into the room. You flipped the plane in an expert moved and shot a missile at Tony, that didn't hurt him but sent him straight to the ground. He opened up his helmet as he watched you fly away.

Bucky and Steve walked over and helped Tony over. "Goddamnit, Rogers. First your best friend and now your girlfriend. Is there anyone from your past that's not a homicidal maniac?"

Steve looked after the direction you headed. Even if he ran all the way to the Quinjet, there was no guarantee he would catch up with you. "I used to think so."


	7. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve laments letting Reader escape three years ago and now the life he tried to build after he came out of the ice implodes around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not using Endgame timeline. In fact, in all my stories from here on out, I'm not using a lot from Endgame (laughter followed by crying). 
> 
> NO SPOILERS! I promise.

Steve sat at the end of his bed while dawn threatened to break through the blinds. Behind him in the bed, the sleeping body stirred slightly before settling down again. He looked over his shoulder at her, wondering for the countless time why he had done this to himself and to her. Why had he been so desperate to move on? Why did he listen to Natasha when she told him to take a chance and ask her out? And why, of all people, did it have to be Peggy's niece?

At the time there had been no harm behind the relationship. The whole thing sort of began around the time Bucky surfaced as the Winter Soldier and SHIELD began to collapse. Sharon was just his neighbor at the time, the truth not apparent until Nick Fury showed up unannounced at his old apartment. Before that moment - when she was revealed to be a SHIELD agent - he has started to form a crush on her. She reminded him of Peggy (which he later came to realize as to why), but Sharon also reminded him of you. Of how sweet and sincere you were, how you tried not to impose on others, and that hidden strength just below the surface. And her the beauty of her smile reminded Steve of you - though he would never admit out loud that he loved yours more. Back when you did smile, that is.

When Steve ran into Sharon a couple of years later at Peggy's funeral, he realized his crush had grown into something more. Nat pushed him to give it a chance while Sam cautioned him, saying that maybe Sharon was a way to be with Peggy since he had confessed he had feelings for her. Feelings he had felt guilty for, especially after you were captured. Bucky had also cautioned Steve against the whole relationship, though by then Steve and Sharon had already begun dating secretly. They had taken the time during the flight to Siberia for Steve to lay out everything that had happened to him lately. While Bucky felt it would be good for Steve to move on from the past, he didn't think it would be possible for him to do so with the niece of the woman he fell in love with while still in love with you. It was an emotional landmine he wanted Steve to avoid. 

Then Bucky had been right in ways neither of them could imagine. In less than a few hours after Bucky told him to break up with Sharon, you had popped back into his life as another trained assassin for Hydra. And just like when he first found Bucky, you had no idea who Steve was or what you once meant to each other.

And then just as quickly as you came back into his life, you were gone once again. In less than a few hours you tossed Steve's life and everything he knew up into the air. Now he couldn't remember which way was up, even though the event happened over three years ago. Three years, several new Avengers, one mad Titan, and an insane battle to repair what seemed like irreversible damages later, and he still couldn't forget what he saw in Siberia. 

Realizing that sleep would not be returning to him - as it really hasn't these past three years - Steve quietly got off the bed, threw on some work clothes, and silently made his way to the gym in the compound. After Bucky finished his therapy in Wakanda, Tony welcomed them both back into the compound, as well as Sharon. He even gave her a job with the other former SHIELD agents. Steve had been grateful at first, but now he wondered if this left him stuck in a situation he no longer wanted.

He didn't notice Bucky in the corner of the gym by the door when he entered. Bucky didn't say a word as he continued to wrap a work out glove over his non-metal hand. Steve picked up a punching bag, attached it to the free hook, and began to go to town on it. Over and over again, he beat the hell out of the bag, flashes of you filling his mind: when you first met as kids, the first time you kissed him on the cheek, your first date, that night at the tavern in London.....

The bag broke free of the hook and went flying across the gym, the sand from inside spilling everywhere. As Steve picked up another bag, Bucky spoke up. "You keep this up, and there won't be any bags left for anyone else, punk."

Steve hesitated for a moment before placing the new bag on the hook. "Guess we'll just have to use you, then."

"How long are you going to beat yourself up over this?"

"Either until I die or she comes back."

"That second one may not be possible." Bucky slowly walked over, his voice gentle

"It was for you." Punch. Punch. Steve's movements became rhythmic.

"That's because of D.C.. If you hadn't done what you did on the Helicarrier, I never would have broken free long enough to regain some of who I was before."

"It can be possible for her." Punch. Punch. PUNCH.

"Steve," Bucky's voice became quiet, "you saw what she did to Secretary Ross."

SLAM! The second bag flew across the room. Instead of moving to get a new one, Steve stood there breathing hard from the exertion. "And we saw what you did to Tony's parents. You were still able to come back."

"Because I wanted to, Steve. We have no idea what she wants besides her next order." Bucky took a deep breath before addressing the elephant in the room. "And if we can find her, can deprogram her, can save her, what then?"

Steve whirled to face his age old friend. "What do you mean 'what then'? We make her a part of the team like we did for you. We give her a family like we did Nat. We give her a purpose for her life."

"Let's pretend that's possible, that the government will look past her killing the Secretary Of State - which will be nothing even close to when Alexander Pierce was killed. Ross wasn't a member of Hydra. I meant what's going to happen to you and her?"

Steve opened his mouth then closed it as quickly. He hadn't really thought that far ahead. He just wanted you back so badly, he forgot how many people it may hurt. Including Sharon. "I- I don't know."

Bucky nodded his head and placed his metal hand on Steve's shoulder. "This- this is going to suck to hear, but speaking from personal experience you need to know this. She won't be _____ right away. I'm not talking days or weeks. I mean months to maybe even years. She will be an empty shell at first as she 'wakes up' as it were and realize this isn't the 40s. You've had time to adjust to that. She hasn't. She's barely even aware of her surroundings. _____ will be plagued with dreams of her old lives - the one in the 40s and the one as a Hydra agent. The latter will almost be as bad as the former. Because the latter will remind her that no matter how hard she works, how hard she tries, she can never get that life back. Nor will she want or desire anything but that old life for a while. Which means you two won't pick up where you left off. Because she’ll know it’s not the same. In fact," Bucky took another deep breath, "you may never have that again. Or anything close to it."

"You're saying I may never get her back?" Hurt and anger flashed in Steve's eyes. "It's my fault she was taken in the first place and I may never get her back?!"

"No, Steve. Not like that. Not right away and maybe not even ever. What happens to us, Steve, what Hydra did to ____ and I.... it's something that's hard to describe. Mainly because we don't want to live through it again. But the main thing is it changes us to our core. Changes how we trust, how we let people get close, how we interact with others. I'm definitely better than I was when you first took me to Wakanda, but I'm nowhere near the old Bucky. And she'll never be the same old _____."

Steve looked at Bucky with new eyes. It never really occurred to him how much Bucky had changed. Sure, he didn't think he was the same as they were as kids, but to hear that this whole experience changed his core really shook Steve up. "Bucky, I'm so sorry. I had no idea it was that bad."

"It's not. At least not anymore. Each day is different. Some days are great and I'm making progress, and other days I'm just consumed by the memories. It will be like that for _____ as well."

The door to the gym opened then and Nat poked her head in. "Are you guys busy? Something big just came up."

Steve and Bucky exchanged a look. "How big?"

Nat hesitated for a moment. "They caught Fire Guard. Coulson's team is bringing her to the CIA headquarters as we speak. Agent Ross was going to advocate her going to Wakanda to get deprogrammed-"

"But...."Steve prompted.

"The capture was ugly. There hasn't been a full accounting yet, but at least three agents died and a dozen are in the hospital." Natasha let out a long breath. "One of the dead agents was Coulson's right hand. He's not taking this well."

"Fuck," Steve muttered. He and Bucky raced out of the gym after Natasha, peppering her with questions about the take down. She waved them off as they climbed into the back of the Quinjet.

"I don't know the full story, Steve. All I know for sure is that she's in a helluva lot of trouble and it may take more than a spa trip to Wakanda to fix things."

Sharon walked up behind them. "Why are you so antsy about this, Steve? You should be happy we caught the Hydra assassin before she could do more damage. We'll bring her to justice."

Nat and Bucky looked at Steve in shock. "You didn't tell her?"

Steve sighed. "No. I haven't found a way to do so."

"Tell me what, Steve?" Bucky and Nat stepped aside so Steve could speak privately with Sharon.

"The assassin everyone calls Fire Guard.... I know her. She was my girlfriend back before I joined the war. Her name is _____ _____. In fact, I've known her almost as long as I've known Bucky."

Sharon stared at Steve in disbelief. “She... she was your girlfriend? How....”

“It’s a long story, but basically she was captured by Hydra not too long before I flew that plane into the ocean. I had always hoped Howard or Peggy would have found her, even after I had crashed and woke back up. That she had somehow made a life for herself even though I was gone."

"Steve, I'm so sorry." She pulled Steve in for a tight hug. "I can't promise anything, but I'll see if any of my old connections at the CIA can help us. Maybe I can even convince Agent Ross to consider again sending her to Wakanda."

"Thank you, Sharon."

"Of course, Steve. I love you and would do anything I can to help you."

He couldn't give her the answer she deserved, not with his head and heart swimming with the knowledge that you were finally caught. That he was finally going to see you after three long years. So instead, he rested his forehead against hers. She smiled up at him and led him over to the seats on the Quinjet. 

The flight to D.C. was thankfully short and soon the Avengers were marching down the hallway, with Steve and Tony taking point. They met Agent Ross along the way and he explained how she was placed in a cell instead of the cage they had tried with Bucky in case you were also able to punch your way out. Coulson was outside the cell, angrily pacing and shouting questions at the prisoner.

Steve placed a hand on his shoulder and the man stopped short, not realizing he was no longer alone. "Hey, Cap. Sorry you had to see that. I just- it's-"

"I know, Phil. But let me try. Her and I.... we have a complicated past. I might be able to reach her."

"Or I will," answered Bucky from the back. "She and I had trained together at one point. She might remember me better than you, Steve. No offence."

Coulson looked at Steve and Bucky, "you guys know this monster?"

Steve's voice became hard. "She's not a monster, just a product of Hydra like Bucky was. And yeah, all three of us grew up together in Brooklyn back in the 40s."

He turned to face the cell while Bucky leaned in to whisper to Coulson, "she was Cap's girlfriend back before the brainwashing."

Coulson looked up startled and then back at Steve. "Do you think it's wise for him to talk to her?"

"No. But I don't really think we'll get a say in this."

Steve slowly approached the cell, his footsteps barely making a sound. But it didn't matter to you. Like Steve and Bucky, the serum had changed you and nothing could sneak past you now. You slowly turned around to face the man before you, tilting you head to look him up and down. He was very good looking with his traditional good looks, blonde hair, and blue eyes. And there was something familiar about him. Something beyond the public persona that you were told about. That you read about. That you saw on the news. But the thought just wouldn't stay still long enough for you to know or care. So instead, you decided to get this imprisonment over with.

"Hello, Captain America. Are you here to kill me?"


	8. Please Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve tries to convince Reader that they once had a past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I have been the absolute worst about updating my fics lately. I am so sorry!

You stared at the man in front of you, wondering if everything he was saying was some trick to get you to betray the people you worked for. It seemed highly unlikely what he was stating was remotely true. So you just stood there in your cell as Captain America proceeded to ramble the longer you refused to engage.

"I know this all seems impossible, that maybe I'm making it up to trick you. But every word I've said is true. Your name is ____ ____, you were born 1920, and we've known each other since you were twelve. Even Bucky's here to help you! You gotta remember us, _____."

Bucky. There was that name again. Your eyes looked past Captain America to the group standing behind him and found that indeed the Winter Soldier was among the group present. That struck you as odd as you remember seeing him in Siberia, saying he was finally free. But it never occured to you that he would go work for the Avengers.

He stepped forward until he was next to Captain America and spoke to you in Russian. "I know you don't want to believe anything being told to you today. I was the same way back when you and I first met. Shortly after you were sent to Siberia, Steve got through to me and it helped me to break my programming. The same can be true for you, if you want it."

"And if I don't want it? What then?"

"Prison. Maybe worse. You have committed horrible crimes."

"So did you. Yet, they forgave you?" You cocked an eyebrow in his direction.

Bucky sighed. "Yes and no. It was really ugly at first for me. In fact, Steve was on the run for a couple of years because he helped me escape to somewhere I could heal. I'm still under probation and a watchful eye."

"So you're no better than when you were with Hydra."

"No. Now I'm free. Now I can start to gain myself again." He stepped closer to the glass. “I can come and go as I please and there’s no fear in me that a set of words may set me off. That my brain may shut off and I go into auto pilot to kill innocent people.”

Words. Those words. Hydra’s words. There was still enough humanity in you to fear what Bucky was saying. The fear flashed in your eyes and Steve had an overwhelming desire to protect you once more. He took a step forward and your head whipped over to glare at him, stopping him short.

You kept your eyes on Steve, but continued to speak to Bucky in Russian. “And you just gave yourself over to the Avengers?!”

The last word was spoken with disgust. Bucky couldn’t help but smirk. “There was a time I would have felt the same. But what Steve says is true: you, myself, and Steve have known each other since we were kids. In fact.... you were Steve’s girl before you were captured.”

Your eyes snapped over to Bucky, the denial, disgust, and anger clear on your face. It was the first time since you had woken up that you had shown any emotion. “You’re lying!”

“It’s true, _____.”

“That’s not my name!” Your fists slammed against the glass wall of your cell. The wall shuddered, but held firm as everyone on the other side jumped at the outburst. “I would never be with a person like that! Someone so good and pure!”

“You were because you were the same thing,” Bucky’s voice grew soft. “You were his dancing doll and he was your favorite artist.”

Favorite artist. The words sent a flash into your brain and suddenly you were remembering a letter you received so long ago. The context was unclear to you, but the sign off burned bright before your eyes.

 _Your favorite artist,_  
_Steve_

You desperately shook your head as you took some steps back, trying to make the image leave you. Bucky recognized the look as he had worn it once himself when Steve had told him he was with Bucky until the end of the line. The crack had been made. Now he had to carefully pry it open.

“He would draw you all the time, always with your favorite flowers. Steve sent some to you in his last letter.”

The last letter. Suddenly a memory of your past burst through the shadows. A single tear ran down your cheek, but you were unaware of it. "It's his fault."

Your voice was a whisper and not even Bucky or Steve could hear you. Bucky prodded you gently. "What did you say?"

"It was his fault!" The words reverberated around your cell. You raced to the glass wall and slammed both fists against it, causing all the Avengers and CIA agents to jump in surprise. Agent Ross placed his hand on his gun while Clint and Natasha got their weapons ready. Bucky held out his hand to stop them.

"Wait!"

Tears were full on streaming from your face as emotions rushed your body for the first time in almost a half a dozen years. Maybe even longer, if you could properly remember your time before you went under. You leveled a murderous gaze on Steve and slammed against the glass once more, but it neither budge nor cracked. 

"This was all your fault! You letter led me to getting taken by Hydra!" With each sentence, you banged on the wall to emphasize your pain. "It- it was just supposed to be a simple trip! YOU SAID HOWARD WOULD LOOK AFTER ME! YOU SAID YOU WOULD PROTECT ME!"

Tony flinched at the mention of his father being mixed up in all of this. Steve was trying his best to hold it together in front of you, but the agony was clear in his eyes.

"____, please. I never wanted this to happen. Howard promised he would find you. He even enlisted Peggy's help."

Steve couldn't have possibly chosen a worse name to utter at that moment.

You became eerily calm, your voice low and lethal as you held your hands by your side. "Peggy? As in Peggy Carter? As in the woman who was practically throwing herself all over you the night I was taken?!"

Steve gulped as you locked eyes with him.

"Fuck Peggy Carter. And fuck you, Captain America. I am now suddenly grateful I can no longer remember our past together. Because when I get out of here, the first thing I will do is end your life.”

Steve was breathing heavily from your promise and Bucky placed a hand on his shoulder. “Steve. We need to leave. _You_ need to leave. I’ll come back in a day or two after she’s calmed down to try again, but you can’t be here. At least not right away.”

“Not ever.” You added in a growl.

Sharon came up on Steve’s other side. “C’mon, let’s go home. Bucky will let you know when you can come back.”

Agent Ross cleared his throat, “it would probably be best if everyone left right now. We don’t need a repeat of Germany. Agent Carter, we will be in touch if we need Captain Rogers again.”

Agent Carter? You eyes locked onto the blonde woman and you could see her squirm. And you instantly saw it in her face. She was related to Peggy.

The next words you spoke had a hint of the old you in them, in the pain. “I should have known. Even years later in the future, there’s some Carter bitch all over what apparently was once mine. Well don’t worry. He’s all yours.”

You turned away from the group as Bucky pulled Steve away from the cell and down the hall. At the entrance of the CIA headquarters, Steve began to pace around as he tried to figure out what had just happened.

Bucky just stood back and watched him, knowing Steve would need time to process all that had just happened. Tony came up next to Bucky.

“Do you think Capsicle will be ok?”

“Not sure, metal head. But we should probably get him home. Better for him to have the breakdown there.”

“And what are you going to do?”

Bucky sighed. “Get this punk stable. After that.... see if it’s possible to separate _____ from Fire Guard.”

“Do you think you can?”

Bucky didn’t have an answer for him.


	9. Do You Comply?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Bucky square off as he tries to bring his old friend out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG! I had no idea this would be so popular! I remember getting this request a few months back and dreading it because I honestly didn't think I could write Steve or Bucky well. But you have all proven me wrong!
> 
> I have gained new subscribers (both for this work and all my work in general) and you guys comment like crazy. It warms my cold, black heart so much! LOL!
> 
> That being said, I have not heard from the person who requested this since....well, since they requested this. And they did not request an ending for this story. So now I will leave this question up to my new fabulous readers:
> 
> Should I have Steve and Reader get back together? Or should I have her move on to someone else as she heals? Someone who helps her heal (this does not necessarily mean Bucky. It could be anyone really). Hell, we can even make her single at the end.
> 
> Let me know in the comment section below and I will tally up the votes (both here and on Tumblr) and weigh that with how the story is moving. 
> 
> THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH! And please find me on tumblr @my-marvel-musings to see the list of who I will write for. You can also make requests there or in the comments below.

Bucky watched as Steve sat in a chair, staring off into the wall in front of him. He had been in this funk for days after coming back from the CIA headquarters where you threatened his life. No one could snap him out of it and as a result, Steve had missed three debriefings and the chance at a mission against Hydra. Fury directed Natasha to lead the team on that one, leaving behind Tony and Bucky to try to wake Cap back up as it were.

Even Sharon couldn't get through to Steve, waking up in the middle of the night to find him missing from the bed. But if anything, being around her only made his funk worse. It only served to remind Steve what he had done to you and being with Sharon while you were still alive felt like a betrayal. Even if you openly hated him at the moment.

Tony came up beside Bucky, his fifth coffee cup in his hands. He hadn't been to his lab since the moment they got back and was currently leaving everything in Bruce's hands. It hurt him to see his friend like this but he was out of his field. Tony knew about depression - they were old friends even without all the events that had made him Iron Man - but this was nothing he could even compare to. How do you reconcile with the fact that not only had your girlfriend not die seventy years ago, she was now a ruthless assassin for a terrorist group you were sworn to stop. Oh, and she wanted you dead. 

Thankfully, he had Bucky. Words he once thought he would never utter let alone think. "So, Manchurian Candidate. What do we do about Gramps over there? Therapy? Get him blackout drunk? Time machine?"

Bucky's lips quirked at Stark's attempt at a joke. "Beats me, Shell Head. I've never seen Steve like this. Though he did tell me he acted like this when he thought I was dead the first time."

"When you fell from the train?" Bucky nodded. "Great. So all we need to do is send him on a suicide mission so he can get frozen for another seventy years."

"I need to talk to ____. The best way to get him out of this is if we can get her to talk to him on a civil basis."

"Sure, let me call the wizard real quick." Bucky turned to look at Tony in confusion. "Well, if you're going to shoot for the impossible I figured you'd want to take someone who can hypnotize her so at least it looks like she's listening to you."

Bucky let out a small chuckle. "One of these days, Dr. Strange is going to make you disappear inside some dark dimension."

"Probably. So how are you going to do it?"

"I'm not sure yet. But I got a sinking feeling it's going to be really ugly. Which is why Steve can't even think about going to the CIA until I've made some sort of progress."

"When will you go?"

"Today. Now in fact. The sooner we get this done the better and I've already waited too long."

Tony just nodded his head. Bucky left the room quietly so that Steve would not be tempted to follow him. The day he saw you - after he had calmed down - the first thing he wanted was to immediately race back to the CIA headquarters and beg you to remember who you were and who you were to each other. It took every ounce of Bucky's strength, Sam's cunning, Tony's tech, and Bruce using a powerful sedative to keep Steve from stealing a Quinjet. Bucky hated seeing his best friend like this, but he knew from personal experience that a constant barrage from Steve would only make you crawl further back inside your Fire Guard persona. 

Once at the headquarters, Agent Ross escorts Bucky back towards your cell. "She's calm down since you last saw her, but we're doing our best to keep anyone away that may trigger her."

"So basically you don't want me going in."

"Actually, we want you to go in. She's completely shut off now. If you want her to qualify for a trip to Wakanda, you have to help her wake up more."

Bucky nodded his head as he approached your cell. You were sitting on the floor facing the glass wall, your hair a disheveled mess and your eyes reflecting a haunting look in almost a mirror of what Bucky had been when he was the Winter Soldier. Bucky tapped on the glass wall but you wouldn't even engage a snide remark, only continuing to look through him.

"Open her cell."

"Are you out of your mind?!"

Bucky turned towards Ross, "I'm not asking to let her out. Send me in there."

"Some how I'm less comforted by this idea."

"If you want her to wake up and not kill anyone, you need to send me in there." He moved until he was right in front of the door.

Agent Ross sighed. He knew this was a colossally stupid idea, but he had no other way to pull you out of your funk. Walking over to the wall, he punched at the panel until the door swung open. The moment Bucky was on the other side, Ross instantly closed it again. 

Bucky walked until he was three feet in front of you, sighed, and then spoke in Russian. "Fire Guard, do you comply?"

You didn't bother to look up or answer him.

"Fire Guard, report!"

You closed your eyes, trying your best to block out the man in front of you. But his voice still found away in, past your ears and into your brain where the memories you thought you had forgotten laid dormant.

"Fire Guard!"

Bucky barely had a chance to register your eyes flashing open before you lunged at him. He got his metal arm up in time to block you reaching for his throat and the fight was on. Bucky had an inferior version of the serum in his system. Out of the seven assassins, he was the weakest - which said a lot considering how powerful he was. But unlike you, Bucky had years of experience in the field and fighting others. 

He used the momentum of you lunging for his throat to toss you over his head. You rolled with the landing and swept his legs out from under him. Both of you flipped up to your feet and punched at the same time, fists colliding to cause you both to fly to an opposite wall. In an instant you were up and racing back across the room just as Bucky rolled to his feet and his metal arm latched onto your wrist. He twisted, spun, and soon had your arm pinned behind your back as his other arm wrapped under your chin to hold you. You tried to fight him off, but that metal arm gave him an advantage

"Goddamn you, Barnes!" You managed to choke out. 

"What did you say?" He loosened his grip around your neck, but not enough for you to break free. Peeking around he could see you had started to cry.

"I said 'goddamn you, Barnes'. Why did you do it? Why did you fix me up with Steve when we were kids? Maybe I'd be dead by now, after having the normal life and family I always wanted. Instead, I'm stuck in some place I don't understand and I've lost you and Steve."

Bucky let go of you and you slumped to the ground. "You remember everything?"

You shook your head, "not everything. But your last visit shook a lot loose. I- I remember pieces of us as kids. The way we would all hang out." You closed your eyes and sighed, "the way Steve looked at the recruitment tents. He never looked at me that way. With a sense of longing and desire. Instead, he always looked at me in expectation. That one day I would leave him."

Bucky sat down next to you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders. "I'm so sorry, doll. I always knew Steve hated bullies, but I never thought he would give up everything he had to end them. But he's here now, _____, and together we can fix this."

You gave a bitter laugh and looked over at your long time friend. "No, Bucky. I don't have him. He stopped being mine the day that Peggy Carter walked into his life. And don't even try to deny it. I saw the truth flash in your eyes. He only wants me back out of obligation and guilt."

"He still loves you."

"Does he now? He sure had a funny way of showing it, bringing his new girlfriend - who's also a Carter - when he came to visit me. And how the fuck did he pull that off? Finding another Carter to date?"

"It's a long story."

"Hmmm, I bet." There was a pause. "So what do I do now?"

"Now? We work to get you more stable, get more memories back, get more of you back. Then we send you to Wakanda."

You furrowed your eyebrows. "What's a Wakanda?"

Bucky laughed. "It's a country in Africa. The most technologically advanced country in the world. And they helped me get back in order."

You slowly nodded your head. "Ok, ok. If I need to go there, I will. I clearly can't go back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a more serious note: my work is coming to a temp stop. My aunt passed away on the 31st and I am (obviously) more focused on family right now.
> 
> In the meantime, please vote who you want reader to end up with and/or request new fics below or on my tumblr page.
> 
> Thank you to all who have supported me and I'm sorry this chapter is so short!


	10. What's A Mutant?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader meets Charles Xavier and Logan Howlett, the two most senior members of the X-Men. Xavier's there to help Reader remember while Logan stands guard. Reader is introduced to mutants and how much the world has changed since 1945.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Thank you so much for being patient as you wait for me to update. Once I had my head back on straight I had to finish Agent Or Princess so I could give this story my undivided attention.
> 
> I have popped in occasionally to thank you for your thoughts and to count votes. The current tally (keep in mind, some of you voted for more than one ended so the numbers may seem odd):
> 
> Steve: 7 votes  
> Bucky: 4 votes  
> Tony: 1 vote  
> Natasha: 1 vote  
> X-Men character: 1 vote
> 
> There won't be an official decision until 3-ish chapters from now, and maybe not even then. Yeah, this is looking to be a lengthy bitch.
> 
> Also, you guys LOVE angst and I love that you love angst. So a lot of you that voted for a Steve/Reader ending really want them to suffer either via Sharon or Bucky. And whether or not Steve/Reader end up together, that particular angst will be in there!
> 
> I feel like this is me writing this story:  
> https://my-marvel-musings.tumblr.com/post/184238182083/taking-creative-liberties

"Good morning, _____. My name is Charles Xavier and this is Logan Howlett." You looked up from sitting on your bunk to find an older gentleman in a wheelchair accompanied by a gruff looking man. "I am a professor and headmaster for the Xavier School for Gifted Youngsters. I am here to help you clear your mind and hopefully remove the meaning of the words Hydra left behind."

Your eyebrows furrowed. "I thought I was being sent to Wakanda for that?"

"You were, but Tony Stark reached out to me for a favor. I had helped him in the past with his PTSD and he felt it was worth a try so you wouldn't have to be shuttled all over the planet."

Running a hand over your face, you stood up and walked over to the glass wall. "I'm sorry, you'll have to forgive my lack of catching up but I've been frozen since the 40s and Hydra didn't exactly update my education. How does a school professor feel he's qualified to help my problem? And why is Tony Stark trying to help me?"

Xavier smiled at you warmly and answered: _Because I can delve deeper than a normal therapist if you will allow me._

You blinked and took a step back as you realized the man in front of you answered your question _but never opened his mouth_. "What the fuck was that?!"

Xavier chuckled. "Forgive me. Logan and I are mutants. My powers pertain to telepathic abilities."

"Meaning..."

"Meaning I can read your thoughts and put my own in your head."

You took a deep breath, "well, that's- that's interesting. Mutants? Is that a new development? I don't remember hearing about them in the 40s."

Xavier rolled so he was closer to the glass wall, Logan his intimidating shadow. "We have been around for centuries, only recently coming out into the light. I will explain more as our lessons go on. As for Mr. Stark, I believe he felt some responsibility towards you since it was his own father who swore to watch you while you were in London."

You blinked at this information. All of your thoughts had been so consumed by Steve and Sharon that you never connected the dots to Tony and Howard. "Oh. That's really generous of him. If you see him before I do, can you please thank him for me. And tell him I don't hold him for his father's actions."

"I will be sure to do so. Now young lady, if you will allow me, I believe it's time we start your healing."

You slowly nodded your head. "Um, sure. What exactly do I need to do?"

"Promise you won't hurt me."

"I'm sorry. Come again?"

Xavier nodded at Agent Ross who was standing by the door. The agent pressed some buttons so Xavier and Logan could enter your cell.

"You know, for being viewed as a deadly assassin, you certainly have no issues with allowing people in my cell."

Agent Ross nodded his head. "Normally you would be correct. But Sergeant Barnes is equipped to fight you. And I doubt you could take the Professor's bodyguard."

You gave Logan a once over. "And why should I worry about him? He doesn't look any tougher than Bucky."

Logan clenched his fist and three metal claws each a foot long sprouted from between his fingers. Your eyes grew wide as he slowly drew them back into his body.

"Oh. Well that's certainly a new one."

Xavier chuckled. "Not to mention, with my mutation, I could freeze you in place if I so choose. But the main reason I chose Logan to join me and not a different X-Men-"

"A what?"

"X-Men. It's the team I have founded to fight for justice. Much like the Avengers, only for mutants."

"Oh," you brain began to swim with all this new information.

"As I was saying, I chose Logan because his story is not too dissimilar from yours or Sergeant Barnes. Like yourself, Barnes, and Rogers, Logan is over one hundred years old. Though for him it is due to his mutant ability to heal at an accelerated rate. Logan was also made into a weapon against his will, tortured, and changed."

"Changed? How?"

"My claws weren't always metal, kid," came a reply in a deep, rugged voice. You looked over and was surprised to be met with kindness in Logan's green eyes. "They were originally bone. But the people who had me, they covered my entire skeleton with a metal called adamantium. My rapid healing kept me alive during the process, but I lost my mind and a lot of my memories during the process."

"Between myself, Logan, and your friend Sergeant Barnes, I believe we can free you of the prison Hydra sent. Perhaps even Captain Rogers can help."

You scowled at that. "No, we better not bother Captain America. He has enough on his plate without pretending to worry about a formerly dead girlfriend."

Xavier took your reaction in stride and rolled farther into your cell as you took a seat on your bunk. "You blame him for what happened to you?"

"Yes. No." You sighed. "Honestly, I don't know who to blame. His letter invited me to London during a war. He didn't escort me back to my hotel or even asked someone else to do it. But Howard was the one assigned to watch over me until I returned to the states. Even Bucky didn't check to see if I wanted to walk back with someone. And maybe I'm the most angry at myself for not demanding that someone needed to walk me back. For even going to the otherside of the world during a war in the first place."

"Those are all very valid feelings, though I can't help but notice that you didn't name Hydra."

You rolled your eyes. "Blaming them goes without saying. I may not be their puppet one hundred percent anymore, but their ability to control me is still inside. And I would do anything in my power - including setting the world on fire - to pull them out."

Xavier smiled warmly at you. "Hopefully it won't come to that extreme. Now, this will feel a bit weird at first, but I promise not to tread where necessary. If you would please lie down."

Nodding your head, you stretched out on your bunk with your head towards the professor. Logan came to stand by your side as Xavier placed an open palm on either side of your head but just out of reach of touching you. You tried to keep your breathing calm as he closed his eyes, his mind reaching out towards yours. And as he inched inside you could feel his presence and you wanted to shake him out. It was as if two minds were trying to be the dominant force in your body. But you were trained by Hydra so you remained stock still, figuring this was less painful than when they "cleaned the slate" as they put it.

But then he began to unearth pictures and you could feel your right leg twitch. 

First you as a little girl bringing a bright orange tabby home, only to be told by your mother it needed to leave as it made your father sneeze. 

The next was you and Bucky meeting for the first time. You were twelve and Bucky chased away a bunch of boys who had been teasing you. He reached down to pull you off the ground and you remember how safe you had felt with him.

Then there was the memory of Bucky convincing you to go on a walk, just you and Steve. At first you had been confused, thinking it had always been Bucky who had feelings for you. But you trusted your friend and walked with Steve to the park.

A more recent memory emerged. Fearful eyes looked up at you, begging for their life to be spared. 

The last one proved to be too much and you launched off the bunk. Logan had his claws ready and was instantly in front of Xavier, but the professor placed a calming hand on his friend.

"It's ok, Logan. She won't hurt either of us."

Logan grunted but didn't move. Meanwhile, you were on the other side of your cell pacing back and forth as you tried to push the memory of killing Secretary Ross out of your head.

"No, no, no, no."

"How's it going?" A calm voice asked.

You looked up to see Tony Stark on the other side of the glass. With old memories swirling in your head, for a moment you could have sworn it was Howard standing there. "Stark? How could you do it? How could you leave me alone to make that walk?"

Tony looked confused for a moment before it dawned on him. "It's me, Tony. Howard was my father."

You shook your head to clear your vision. "Tony? I- uh, you look so much like he did at your age."

"So they tell me."

"Where is he? He needs to answer me. He needs to tell me why!"

Tony sighed. "He and Mom died, almost twenty years ago. Your friend Bucky killed them."

You jaw dropped at the news. "He- he did?"

There was no answer as you stumbled to the glass wall where Tony stood, gasping for air. He held his hands up to catch you, but then remembered the wall.

"Hey, it's ok. Just breathe."

"How can I? I have no idea who I am or who my friends now are." You closed your eyes and slumped against the wall. "I should have died. I should have let Hydra kill me."

Tony looked at Xavier. "Can you fix this?"

"I'm going to try. But Stark, it is a far bigger mess inside than I anticipated."


	11. Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader works with Bucky, Tony, Natasha, and Professor Xavier to escape Hydra's hold on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated tally!
> 
> Steve: 9 votes  
> Bucky: 7 votes, with one of those votes making sure Steve _really_ suffers. It's evil and I love it.  
> Tony: 3 votes  
> Natasha: 2 votes  
> X-Men character: 1 vote
> 
> Keep them coming!
> 
> Also, I'm going to start posting chapter samples again on my tumblr page in case anyone wants a sneak peak. I promise to never post anything spoilery and to have it up two days after the previous chapter is published.

"How she doing, Buck?"

Bucky looked up from packing his bag for the day to find Steve in his doorway. Everyday Bucky left the compound to meet Xavier and his bodyguard at the CIA headquarters to do daily therapy sessions with you. Steve watched with envy, wishing he was the one helping you much to Sharon's growing annoyance.

Sighing, Bucky zipped his bag closed. "It's touch and go right now, Steve. As I told you it would be. Some days she's very open and wants to talk about everything she remembers. Some days she's in a corner sobbing her eyes out and it takes everything in Xavier's powers - figuratively and literally - to get her to open up about what's hurting her. And then there are days she's not there. But she's not Fire Guard either. ____'s pretty much... a shell for a lack of a better word. The only good thing is Xavier believes she's becoming less and less dangerous as these sessions continue."

Steve ran a hand over his face as he came into Bucky's room. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

Bucky shook his head. "It's still too soon for you to visit her. While she doesn't blame you for everything anymore, she's still not ready to be around you. ____ doesn't know where you two stand, if you two should even be together again, or if she should be with anyone really. She still feels she's too dangerous and broken." Bucky sighed again. "It's a feeling I know all too well."

"Is that why you haven't started dating? Even though it's been a few years since Wakanda?" Steve had always wondered why his friend, a true ladies man and a gentleman when they were growing up, suddenly shied away from the idea of getting close to someone.

"That, and how many women do you think would readily date the man who was the former Winter Soldier? Avenger or not, that spot doesn't just wash away. The problem all assassins face when they leave the business."

"Nat didn't have that problem."

Bucky chuckled. "Nat was more covert in her missions. And honestly, how many guys or girls would say no to her?"

Steve smiled, "I guess you have a point."

Bucky put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "I know you miss her, punk. I didn't realize how much I missed having you or her in my life until I got you both back. But you need to give her time. And while you're doing that, you may want to finally decide what you're going to do about Sharon. You know, before she murders you in your sleep because you called out _____'s name once again in your dreams."

Steve felt his face grow hot and his eyes shot to the floor. He didn't know that Sharon was going around the compound talking about the problems they were now having.

"She didn't tell everyone," Bucky clarified, "she told Nat who told me. Only the three of us know. Well, now four with you."

Their conversation was interrupted by Tony poking his head into the room. "Hey, Robocop. We need to get going or we'll be late to meet the professor. And you know how Nat feels about being late. Oh, hey Steve."

Steve looked over at Tony and then back at Bucky. "Nat and Tony are going, too?!"

"Tony represents Howard in a way so ____'s able to get some closure in regards to that. More than I ever gave Tony and I'm grateful he's coming to help."

"Well I'm sure as shit not doing it for you, Barnes. My family owes her this much. Also, it doesn't hurt that she's really cute, in a may-murder-me-at-any-moment kind of a way." Steve whipped around and glared at Tony. "Don't give me that look, old man. I'm not the only one thinking it. Nat thought she had a cute butt."

"Let's get out of here, Metal Head, before Steve murders you." Bucky grabbed Tony by the arm and pulled him down the hall.

At the CIA headquarters, the three Avengers stood inside your cell with Professor Xavier and Logan. Agent Ross stood outside like he did everytime, radio and weapon always within reach just in case. You were slowly making progress, but what happened in Germany with Bucky wouldn't leave him so easily.

You were wiping your face having just finished a bout of crying before everyone had shown up. You had backed yourself into a corner behind your bunk so the professor wasn't able to get close to you to check on your well being. Not that it mattered. It was pretty clear to Bucky you had just experienced a flashback. Whether it was from your time at Hydra or one of your missions, who could say. 

"____?" Bucky called out softly as he walked to the other side of the bunk.

You sniffed and gave a tiny shake of your head.

He tried again. "Hey, it's ok. I'm right here. We're right here."

Nothing.

Tony reached inside his jacket pocket as he slowly moved around the bunk - then Bucky - until he was a couple of feet away from you.

"Stark, what the hell are you doing?!" Natasha hissed at him

He ignore her question and crouched down so he was eye level with you. Pulling his hand out of his jacket, he held a candy bar out. You blinked at it dumbly before it dawned on you that he wanted you to take the candy.

Looking up, you found concern in his deep brown eyes. "Go on, kid. I doubt they're feeding you anything besides the basics here. The sugar rush might do you a bit of good."

You gave a weak smile as you took the bar. Then your face fell and you began to cry again.

"Hey, I'm sorry! You don't have to eat it. Are you allergic to the kind I brought? I would have asked, but I wanted it to be a surprise."

Shaking your head, you took a deep breath before replying. "No, uh, it just, uh, your father did the same thing for me once." You sniffed and Tony handed you a kleenex. "Thank you. He, uh, came to visit me while I was at my hotel in London waiting to see Steve. I had been waiting a couple of days and Howard would stop in twice a day to check on me. The second day I was mad all over again at Steve leaving me to join the army, so I threw a lamp at your father's head when he came to check on me. He immediately turned around and left, leaving me feeling wretched. Only for him to return hours later with some pastries from the bakery down the street."

You let out a long sigh and relaxed your body. Tony took that as a good sign and scooted closer, dropping down to sit on the floor. 

"Thank you, Tony. It's been far too long since anyone showed me any random act of kindness. Oh, I know you all being here is another form of kindness. But I know that outside Bucky and Steve, most are doing this so I don't go on a random killing spree if a certain set of words are whispered in my ear. Not for any genuine care for my well being."

Tony smirked at you. "Well no, it's hard to love a robot."

Despite yourself, you chuckled while Bucky bristled. "Says the egomaniac genius."

"Hey, I'm an adorable egomaniac."

Nat snorted. "Says you, Shell Head."

Your smile grew a little more. "Gotta side with the Widow on this one. You're not nearly as adorable as her."

Tony smiled. "Fair. I can't really compete with her."

Behind the group, Professor Xavier cleared his throat. "You seem to be doing better since we've arrived. There's much to be said about the comfort of friends being just as helpful as therapy. Perhaps today we will skip our session and just sit around and talk. No agenda, no goal. Just talk."

"I would like that." Nat flashed you a smile before she and Bucky took a spot on the floor near you. Xavier maneuvered the best he could so he could be included in the circle, Logan just behind him still standing. After a few minutes of silence, you said the one thing no one expected. "It's all my fault."

"What are you talking about, kid?"

"It's my fault, Bucky. Everything that happened to me: being mad at Steve for wanting to make himself better, agreeing to fly to London during a war, even walking back to the hotel by myself. Steve offered, I remember that much. And I told him not to. I told him that the phone call from Phillips was more important than walking me one block to the dingy hotel I was staying at. And I've been taking it out on him this whole time. Yeah, the whole thing with Peggy was pretty shitty even if they never dated and I can't see myself being in the same room with Agent Porcelain Doll without wanting to bash her pretty head against a wall. And no, that's not 'Fire Guard' talking."

"She is a bit of a Barbie doll." Nat smirked.

"A what?" Your eyebrows furrowed.

"A really pretty in an extremely unrealistic way doll that came out in the 60s," Tony clarified. He pulled out his phone to show you a picture.

"Ah, yes. Exactly that. Look, I know it was only logical for Steve to move on. He would have to have been a fool to think I was still alive. But a fucking Carter?! That's a little more than I can currently handle. Even if I get better. Even if you're able to remove the words from my head, Professor. Where would I go? Where do I belong? That's what's haunted me more than anything."

“Stark Tower.” Everyone turned to look at Tony. “Oh, sorry. Guess it’s Black Panther Tower now or whatever the hell he named it. Years back I turned my Stark Tower into the Avengers Headquarters before selling it to King T’Challa. I could get you a job there once the professor gives you the all clear. They have private quarters for all the employees, gym, kitchen, you name it. And all featuring Wakanda’s best technology. They’ll be able to keep an eye on you and you won’t have to travel half way across the world. Just a few hour drive away from the compound. We’ll still be able to visit you.”

You could feel your face grow warm as everyone smiled at you. “Why are you doing this, Stark? I don’t hold you responsible for your father.”

“Maybe I’m a sucker for a pretty face,” you let out a laugh. “Or maybe because you mean so damn much to Terminator and Old Man River that I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t help. Or maybe I just love helping people.”

“Terminator?”

“Movie reference,” Bucky pipped in. “It’ll be a while before you can watch it without it triggering an episode.”

“Ah. Are you ok with that, Bucky? Me living in the city again?” You looked at your long time friend, searching his face like you always had when you asked him a serious question.

“More than ok. I have a semi-permanent room there. Just say the word when things become too much and I’ll be there.”

You nodded your head. “Then I guess we better get me stable.”


	12. The Tower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader gets settled into her new life with the help of a visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, you guys LOVE angst and I am here for it!
> 
> Tally so far:  
> Steve: 13 votes  
> Bucky: 12 votes  
> Tony: 4 votes  
> Nat: 4 votes
> 
> Looks like this may be a battle between the old friends for Reader's heart! Not that Tony and Nat won't throw a wrench in the system.....
> 
> I will be writing a chapter dedicated to each of the above alone with reader before I finally start driving the story to one conclusion.

Your room in the tower had an amazing view of the Manhattan skyline. Time and time again growing up, you had wondered what it would have been like to have lived here and now the time had come. Though in all fairness this was far surpassing any expectation you had, given how much times had changed. 

It was very surreal to no longer be in a cell, to no longer be a prisoner, no longer an assassin. To never have to worry about a set of words triggering you into a mindless murder zombie. Now if only you could figure out who you were in this new time.

Most of your days were spent wandering the tower to wherever you had access. If Princess Shuri was in town, you would usually hang down in her lab listening to stories about the times her brother - the king - humiliated himself in front of his on-again, off-again girlfriend, the time she saved Agent Ross' life and in returned he helped save her country, and about Bucky. About what happened when he was brought to her, how she deprogrammed his mind, and how he lived by himself in the Wakanda countryside before the war against Thanos came to them. 

When Shuri wasn't there, your days were pretty empty. You would eat, hit the gym (a concept that never would have crossed your mind before Hydra captured you), see your therapist, and began keeping a journal. Actually, you were keeping two. One had your day-to-day thoughts, your nightmares, your fears, any time you had a flashback while going about your daily life. And the other you had begin writing letters. Ones never meant to see the light of day. Well, maybe one day. But they were letters to the people in your life, both gone and still around. Trying to express all the thoughts and feelings you weren't able to convey in any intelligent form verbally. 

And a majority of them were addressed to Steve. About wishing you two could go back to the 40s and start all over. About wishing you had never been captured so he could live his life guilt free now. Wishing he had never joined the army. About how much you hated Sharon because she was where you should be and now possible can't be.

You missed him. More than you were probably ready to admit outloud. But you also knew that there was a good chance you may not have a place in his life anymore. Once you dreamed of a small wedding followed by a small family. Now? You just wanted to figure out who you were, how you fit into the modern world, and maybe, just maybe, see if there was anyone out there for you now.

“Hey, kid. How’s the writing going?” You closed your notebook on your current letter - this one to Bucky - to see Tony Stark walking into the communal room you had been sitting in.

“Hi, Tony. It’s alright. A good outlet. And maybe one day I’ll be able to say these words out loud.”

Tony took a seat next to you on the couch. “Anything I can help you with?”

“No, thank you. Mostly I’m still trying to figure out my feelings for Steve.”

He nodded his head. “What about Barnes?”

“What about Barnes?”

He shrugged. “Nothing, really. Just you’ve known him just as long and you two now have more of a shared history.”

“True. But do you really think it’s a good idea for two PTSD riddled super soldiers to date each other?”

“Not sure, really. This is all new. Speaking of....” a smirk graced his face.

“I should consider someone not from my past?”

“How d’ja know?”

“Shuri may have hinted that a few times. And by hint I mean blatantly mentioned several times.”

“And?” Tony's rich chocolate eyes searched yours.

"And I don't know. Honestly, I'm having a hard time thinking I would be a good choice for anyone. Sure, Xavier was able to remove the triggers from my mind and I see a therapist daily, but I'm so damaged I sometimes can't even remember where I am when I wake up. Not to mention, I know absolutely nothing about this new world. Like this," you picked up the high tech phone given to you from the coffee table. "Do you have any idea how much this blew my mind when Shuri first explained to me what it was and what it can do? How in the actual hell am I supposed to date someone when I have no idea what a cell phone is? Or how to work a computer? Or even grasp the concept of the internet? I would be immediately looked at like I was growing a second head."

Tony chuckled and his smile was so infectious, you couldn't help but laugh as well. "When you put it that way, we need to fix that stat!"

"And how, pray tell, do you plan to do that?"

He leapt up to his feet and held out his hand. "We're going out!"

"What? Now?"

"Well, no. You're going to change first and then we're going out. You need to experience this Brave New World.... but not in the actual sense of the book." You raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Never mind. I'll add that to the list of books you need to read. Let's go!"

In what seemed like mere moments, you were in a new dress with your hair and makeup all done as you followed Tony down to the parking garage. You were soon racing down the street trying you best to take in all the sights until you pulled up in front of a very fancy looking restaurant.

The valley opened your door and Tony held his hand out for you. "Shall we?"

You took his hand with a smile and followed him inside. The inside was gorgeous and you couldn't help but feel your face grow hot as all eyes turned towards you and Tony. You were used to eyes being on you, but never in such a positive way.

Tony looped his arm with yours and whispered, "everyone's wondering who this beautiful woman I have on my arm is."

"Or they're wondering if you've finally lost it by having dinner with a former Hydra assassin."

He pulled out a chair for you. "Oh that would be nothing new for me."

You watched as he took the seat across from you, admiring how he could pair a t-shirt with a suit and still made it look well put together instead of a kid who fell into his parent's closet. Tony ordered a bottle of wine and appetizers to start as you picked up the menu. "So be honest, Stark. Why are we here?"

"You said it yourself, you're ill prepared to date. So consider this practice."

"Practice?" You gave him a half smile.

"Ok, maybe a little wishful thinking on my part."

You shook your head, "Steve may kill you if he knew you wanted to date me."

"Steve has bigger problems in the shape of the Carter legacy." You scowled at the name and Tony tried to lighten the mood back up. "Though I am afraid of what Barnes might do."

You didn't even glance up from the menu, "he always was like a big brother when it came to me." 

"Maybe at one point. But now? Let's just say if Steve ever gets his head out of his ass, I'm not the only competition he would have to worry about."

That comment stopped you and you raised your eyes to Tony. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you. And how you've had a way of getting under people's skin without even trying. Nat talks about how cute you look when you smile as you tell her stories about your childhood. I can't help but notice how much smarter you are than you're letting on to other people. Feeling out a room before you speak. And Barnes, I can tell he sees a kindred spirit in you. A shared past in more ways than one." Tony moved his wine glass aside so he could lean over the table towards you, placing one hand on yours. "We all stepped up to help you get better because of what it meant to Bucky and Steve - even if that last part may seem like a stretch to you right now. And along the way we've gotten to know the real you and she's someone worth knowing more of."

Your closed your eyes and let out a shaky breath, "Tony, no use in trying to flatter me. It won't work."

"Won't it?"

Opening your eyes, you saw he was much closer and you felt your face grow hot. Before anything more could happen, the waiter walked up with your food and you relaxed back into your seat. Dinner went by in a blur for you and soon you were back at the tower. Tony placed his phone on the counter top of the communal kitchen and a familiar song began to pour out. He held out his hand and you took it, still trying to place where you had heard the music before.

Holding you close, Tony began to dance around the communal area with you as he hummed to the tune. You bit your lower lip. "This song seems so familiar. Like a long forgotten dream."

"I picked one from a time right before the second war, a popular one that many couples would have danced to."

Those words shook the memory loose and you closed your eyes. "Steve."

"Hmm?"

You stopped dancing and opened your eyes to look at Tony. "This song reminds me of Steve. We danced to it in my living room on my birthday. I had my shoes off so it would be easier to rest my head on his shoulder. We were both such clumsy dancers so we mostly just shuffled in a circle."

Tony sighed and pulled away, keeping hold of one hand. "I'm really sorry this is happening to you and Cap. And I can't in good conscious put pressure on you when you don't even know where you stand with him. So I will call it a night and thank you for joining me for dinner. And if the day ever comes that you decide he's not the one for you, give me a call. I'll always be here as a friend, but say the word and it can be so much more."

"Thank you, Tony. This was a beautiful night and I think I'm just a little more prepared for the world now."

He pressed a kissed to the back of your hand before leaving you alone with your memories.


	13. Avengers' Compound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha takes Reader to the compound to meet the team.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tally update:  
> Steve: 15 votes  
> Bucky: 15 votes  
> Tony: 4 votes  
> Nat: 4 votes
> 
> Just an FYI, after Chapter 15, no more votes will be counted. So you can vote in this chapter, 14, and 15. But once I post the chapter sample for 16 I will stop counting votes. I gotta cut it off somewhere, sorry! This chapter will go into Nat and Reader, the 14 & 15 will deal with the original trio.

"Do you really think this is a good idea, Nat?" You sat nervously in her sports car as she raced down the highway. "I mean, should I really being going to the compound yet?"

"It'll be fine. Steve's on a mission and Bucky's been itching to have one of his friends back. It'll be completely chill, I promise." She flashed you a smile as she pulled into the compound's garage. "Besides, the team's been dying to meet you."

"Really?" You raised your eyebrows as you climbed out of her car and followed Nat into the building.

Instead of answering you, Nat grabbed a broom and began to strike the air vent above you. "Let's go, bird brain! I know you're spying. May as well meet us in the common room."

"Damnit, Nat! That's really loud! Quit banging that fucking thing!"

The voice came from inside the vent and your eyes grew wide. "What the fuck?"

Nat whacked the broom against the vent once more before setting it against the wall and continued to walk down the hall. "Clint loves to hang out in the air vents. It's a weird quirk of his. You'll get used to it."

She lead you to an open room where a beautiful kitchen was on one end, a conference table was tucked into one corner separated by glass walls, and on the other end were a large sectional couch, a love seat, a couple of chaise lounges, and several chairs. All of them pointed to a large television. Scattered all around the room were several different people that immediately dropped what they were doing to watch you and Nat stroll in. Nat began to gesture around the space, starting in the kitchen.

"____, I want you to meet Wanda and Vision over there cooking, Bruce and Peter talking science at the kitchen bar, of course you know Shell Head," Tony had walked into the room and planted a quick kiss on your cheek as he continued on to the fridge. "And that's Rhodey and Sam on the couch. Thor’s in New Asgard right now. Clint should be dropping in any minute. And unsure where the bionic man is."

"Who?" You were trying to keep up with every name Nat had tossed at you.

"Bucky."

"Ah."

"Everyone, this is______." The group waved at you in turn.

"So, this is the lovely lady causing Desperate Housewives' level of drama between Steve and Sharon."

"Sam, shut the hell up." Nat warned.

"Desperate Housewives?"

"Don't worry, _____. A show we won't torture you by making you watch it. Amazed Wilson would even know it." Rhodey laughed at his friend.

"Hey, I've had girlfriends who liked it. Sometimes it's not your turn to choose what you watch that night."

Suddenly, the grate to the air vents popped open and a man dropped down in front of you. "Hey, I'm Clint."

"Uh, hey." You shook his hand.

“So, Nat. Leading the lost ingénue around in hopes of corrupting her? Seems more like Stark’s speed.”

“I’ll have you know I was the perfect gentleman on our date!”

Clint scoffed.

“Actually, he really was. Opened doors, took me to a nice dinner, did a little dancing. And all without acting like his father. Well, at least the rumored version of him. Howard was never like that towards me.”

“No, that was no rumor. My dad really was that way.”

"The apple didn't fall far from the tree, Stark," Clint pointed out.

"Past me, thank you very much!" Stark retorted.

“Wait, you two really went on a date?” If Sam’s eyebrows went any higher, they would climb off his forehead.

“Yes. I was telling Tony the other day how ill prepared for the world I was and he immediately took me out on the town. It was really fun.”

“So you’re trading in Steve for Tony?”

“I’m not trading or replacing anyone with anyone. That’s not my style.”

The silence that followed what you implied was deafening. Finally Nat spoke up. "So glad you guys could make this awkward. We'll need to do it again never. Let's go, _____. I'll give you the grand tour."

Giving the group an awkward wave, you followed closely after Nat. She gave you a pretty basic tour of the facilities: pointing out the gym and indoor pool, the media room, the wings where the Avengers lived, the science lab home to Banner and Tony, and finally up to the roof deck where an amazing outdoor kitchen and bar were set up to host a party at any moment.

"Stark believes in us blowing off steam between missions so we don't lose our ever-loving minds."

"Good call. Hydra could learn a thing or two."

"Or twenty." You both laughed as you strolled over to the bar. Nat went behind the bar to make a few drinks as you took a seat on a lawn chair. "So tell me, are you really going to sit there and try to decide between Barnes and Rogers?"

You sighed and dropped so you were laying down on the chair. "Honestly, I wasn't even aware that Bucky was an option until Stark said something. Back when we were younger I always thought he would ask me out until he pushed me towards Steve. After that I just figured he saw me like a little sister."

"Maybe he was just putting aside his own happiness for Steve's."

"Maybe," you sat up to take the drink she brought over to you. "As for deciding... I don't know if I can. Not really. If Bucky does really see me that way, then I can't see how I can pick one without hurting the other. Though, I can't exactly see myself picking Tony either. It would almost like being with his dad."

Nat settle on the lawn chair next to you. "Even after what Steve did; falling for Peggy without meaning to. Dating Sharon. You'd still take him back?"

You frowned and down your drink in a couple of gulps, knowing damn well that thanks to the serum in your system it would take a lot to get you drunk. "It's not so simple. Telling him no. There was a time where I wanted to marry him and start a family. I knew him for almost fifteen years before he went off to fight in the war. He was my first real love. It's hard to turn your back on that. At least for me it is. But maybe I should tell them both no. Just live for me."

"How 'bout telling them no and picking someone else?"

"Who do you have in mind?"

Nat leaned over and gently pressed a light kiss to your lips. "What about me?"

You could feel your face grow warm. "Oh."

"I'm sorry, did I over step?"

"No, it's not that. It's just-"

"What I did wasn't really allowed in your time?"

You quickly nodded your head. "Yeah. So I've never really given myself the chance to think something like that."

Nat smiled. "That's understandable. And I don't want to push if you're not comfortable with it, but I just wanted you to know what sort of options you had."

You ducked your face as it grew warmer. "Thank you. I'm not used to so much positive attention."

Before Nat could go on, you heard someone clear their throat. "Hey, doll. Long time."

You raised your eyes to see Bucky standing there in jeans and a plain black shirt. Despite having trained with him in the past, it was still a shock to see him with such long hair and a beard. "Hey, Bucky. How are you?"

"Good, good. Heard you were here and thought I'd offer you a movie night. Some old classics and then some new ones as well."

"Cockblocker," Nat muttered under her breath. 

You couldn't help giggling. THAT word you were familiar with thanks to some of your friends back at the tower. "Sure, Barnes. Lead the way."

Bucky held out his hand and you could feel Nat's eyes on your back as he lead you back inside the compound.


	14. Dancing In The Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Bucky travel down memory lane until another person interrupts them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tally update:  
> Steve: 18 votes  
> Bucky: 28 votes  
> Tony: 6 votes  
> Nat: 5 votes
> 
> I cannot believe the insane lead Bucky got! I’ll have to make sure I haven’t double counted votes, lmao! Also, just because one person may be in the lead, does not mean that's how the story will end. I am going to consider all four options when I start going towards the conclusion and see which one flows the best.
> 
> Also for any future requests, please visit one of the following links:
> 
> https://my-marvel-musings.tumblr.com/characters/
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/Blog/Post/Who-I-Will-WriteRequest-Rules-G2G3Y9DN?justpublished=true
> 
> The second link is for anyone not on tumblr. If you copy and paste either link it will take you to the page you need to view. It's also one of the two places I post chapter previews.
> 
> And these are the links to my current writing list:
> 
> https://ko-fi.com/Blog/Post/WritingRequest-List-M4M6Y9EW?justpublished=true
> 
> https://my-marvel-musings.tumblr.com/Story%20List/
> 
> Thanks again!

“I can’t believe Stark owns so many movies!” You were flipping through what Bucky had called Blu Ray Discs while he was pulling up the impressive movies available to stream. So much information!

"Yeah, he's real big on everyone being able to truly relax here. He has movies that Steve and I haven't seen in years." Bucky reached past you and pulled one out in particular. "Let's give this one a try. It was really popular as Steve and I were heading off to war. I heard it was really good."

You looked at the cover to see Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman looking up with the word 'Casablanca' scrawled out at the bottom. "I remember hearing about this coming out. I was such a Bogart fan back then."

Bucky chuckled. "You and every other woman on this planet."

You playfully slugged him. "Just put the movie on, Barnes."

Bucky obliged and the two of you settled in for a quiet movie marathon, only occasionally pulling your attention away to ask each other questions.

"So how's life in the tower?"

You shrug. "Alright considering where I used to live. It gets lonely at times but I also don't want to bother anyone with my fears."

"I know exactly what you mean. I tried having a conversation with Steve about it the other day and he didn't quite understand."

"Which is odd considering he used to be the one that wasn't understood. If anyone could understand what it's like to hate being in your own body at times, it would be him."

Bucky nodded his head. "Remember when you tried to teach him to dance?"

"And all that was accomplished was us stepping on each other's feet? Yup. I know you did your best to teach me so I could teach him, but he and I were never the most coordinated together." You both chuckled. "Just as well, I'm pretty sure I've forgotten everything you've taught me."

"Well let's find out, doll." Bucky put the movie on pause and walked over to the radio. He fiddled around until he found the song he had used to teach you to dance. Holding out his hand, he gave a shy smile. "C'mon. Let's see if these old assassins have other moves in them."

You let out a small laugh and took his hand. Bucky gave you a small spin before pulling you close, the music swirling all around you. "Amazing how familiar this feels after all those decades."

"Yeah, like we never missed a beat. Though I am amazed you haven't stepped on my feet yet."

"Don't jinx us," you chuckled. 

The songs melted into each other as you and Bucky danced around the room. At one point you noticed that his arm looked completely different from what you could remember and you turned his hand over to get a better look.

"Is this the same arm Hydra gave you?"

"No, that one was blown off by Stark." You raised your eyes to him in alarmed confusion. "It was shortly after we found you in Siberia. Stark found out what I did to his parents and the three of us fought. It resulting in him blowing the arm off as I was trying to pry out his arc reactor."

You shook your head. "What am I going to do with you boys?"

"Love one of us?"

"I don't know if that's possible. How could I possibly pick one without hurting the other?"

Bucky used his metal hand to lift your chin up. "Why aren't you mad at him more?"

“I know I should I be, but..... Ok, yeah that whole thing with Peggy Carter is complete shit, but with Sharon.... Nat told me they started dating before Steve knew I was alive. Not that I'll be friends with her in any capacity. In fact, I still feel the urge to punch her in the face but that maybe residual hate for her aunt." You sighed and pulled away. "Yeah, I hate that she's where I should be. I loved him for who he was and these bitches step in the moment he gets a stronger body."

"Do you really think so little of her?"

You whirled around to see Steve standing in the doorway, clearly watching you two for some time. “You’re here? I thought you were on a mission?”

“We finished a few days early. Answer the question: do you think so little of Sharon? You don’t even know her.”

”I don’t need to, I can clearly see she’s like her aunt. You look me dead in the eyes, Rogers, and tell me she would have loved you when I did. That the reason she didn't start dating you was because of all the muscles you put on. You tell me that if you lost it all tomorrow she would still be there!"

He opened his mouth but closed it just as quickly. "You're right, I don't know that."

You could feel tears in your eyes but you blinked them away. "I thought it was going to be you and I against the world. And this barbie doll stepped in and replaced me."

Steve took a step forward, his hands out as if to reach for you. "She didn't replace you."

"Sure feels like it." You sniffed and took an instinctive step back.

"Well what about you? I heard you went on a date with Tony and now you're slow dancing with Bucky!" He gestured angrily at his long time friend.

"Don't you drag Barnes into this! He was the one who set us up, remember?! He was the one who taught me to waltz so I could teach you! Bucky just wanted us to be happy together!"

"He's got a weird way of showing it!"

"Says the man who's sleeping with the niece of the woman that fell in love with you while you were clearly with _____!" Bucky finally jumped in. "You may not have done anything physical with Peggy, but even ____ knew she was in love with you and you loved the attention. And now you have the audacity to get pissed off when I or Tony try to offer her another choice?! Did you get pissed at Nat, also? Cause she kissed ____ right as I was walking up earlier. Seems like everyone wants ____ to be happy and move on from her time at Hydra except you. You need to choose, Steve. Sharon or _____. And if you choose the latter, you have a lot of ass kissing to do."

Steve stood there stunned, mouth agape as he took in all Bucky threw at him. Just as he was collecting himself, Sharon stormed into the room. "What the hell is going on in here?! I can hear you guys shouting from across the complex!"

"Nothing you need to worry about. We'll be done soon," Steve tried to placate her.

Sharon wasn't buying it. "You better tell me what the fuck you guys are yelling about in here."

Your patience for the Carter family finally reached its apex. "The adults are talking so you need to leave. Anyone under the age of a hundred needs to stay the fuck out of this conversation. That includes you, Beauty Queen."

"Excuse you! This involves my boyfriend so I'm not going anywhere!"

"Well I fucked your boyfriend first so I outrank your ass! And unlike you, I would still love him even if he had never taken that serum. So fuck right off in that general direction," you angrily gestured towards the door.

"You can't talk to me like that!"

"I just fucking did and there isn't shit you can do about it! Now fucking leave!"

In her rage, Sharon came at you full tilt and severely underestimated how much you had grown to hate the Carter women. She never stood a chance as you met her across the room, grabbing her by the throat and slamming her onto the coffee table. Your head immediately shot up to look at Steve who was trying to run over to stop you.

"Don't come another inch closer, Rogers."

He wisely headed your warning and both boys watched the two of you. Keeping your eyes on your ex, you applied a little pressure to Sharon's throat.

"Please," she choked out, "don't kill me."

"You would think that. No, I won't kill you. That's not me. Not anymore. But I am going to warn you and I suggest you pay very close attention. Until Steve and I straighten out what the actual fuck is going on between us, you need to stay the ever loving fuck away from me. Or next time I won't be so nice."

You then let go of her throat, grabbed the front of her shirt, and tossed her aside into a chair. The chair tipped back before catching itself and settling back on all four legs.

Sharon coughed and sputtered until she was able to form a coherent sentence. "Steve, are you just going to let her talk to me like that?"

You turned you back to Steve, not wanting to watch him fumble for an answer. But he surprised you with the firmness of his voice. "Sharon, she's right. You need to leave the room."

"Steve?"

“Please, just leave. And while you’re at it, talk to Tony about giving us separate living spaces.”

“You’re leaving me for her?!”

“No. I’m just leaving you period. I can’t be what or who you need while this hangs between _____ and myself. And even if nothing comes of it, I don’t think we can be together anymore.”

You glanced over at Sharon and for a brief moment felt pity for the tears that began to form in her eyes. Until you remember who she was in regards to you.

Sharon let out a low growl and stomped out of the room. You turned towards Bucky. “I think you should leave as well.”

He opened his mouth to protest but thought better of it. Instead, he nodded his head and closed the door behind him.

Finally, for the first time in almost eighty years, you were alone with Steve.


	15. Is This Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Steve finally hash out their problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tally!
> 
> Steve: 24 votes  
> Bucky: 35 votes  
> Tony: 6 votes  
> Nat: 5 votes
> 
> This is the last chapter to vote! Once I post the Chapter 16 preview on Ko-Fi and Tumblr, I will no longer count votes. That will be 3 days after this chapter is posted. So vote!

It was odd; being in a room with Steve and having absolutely no idea where to start the conversation. So much had happened in the past eighty years. And yet, part of you - when you looked up at his face - wanted to run headlong into his arms as if time had never happened. As if the Carter women and Hydra had never happened. As if you were still two kids in Brooklyn. 

Steve broke the silence first. "So you kissed Natasha?"

You blinked at him dumbly before bursting into laughter. Of course that would be his first question. "Not really. More like she kissed me briefly while I just sat there in shock."

He nodded his head, "and Tony?"

"Only my hand and my cheek. And before you even get the words out, I haven't kissed Bucky either. So far the only one I've kissed was the one I was in love with."

"Was?" There was no mistaking the pain in his eyes.

"I don't know anymore. And does it matter? To you? You seem pretty happy here. Made quite a life for yourself."

"I tried to. But in the back of my mind was always you and Bucky. Then I got him back followed by you. Now I don't know what I have."

You took a deep breath. "Neither do I. So can you really be mad at me for trying to scrape for some sort of a normal life like you did?"

"No. I just had always hoped it would have been with me."

"Did you? I was always under the impression your life was never going to be complete unless you were in the army. I always felt like an afterthought compared to the war." You turned away from Steve and plopped onto the couch, a movie still frozen on the tv screen. You picked up the remote and turned the tv off before tossing it aside.

Steve slowly approached you and sat down as well, putting a foot between you both. "I'm really sorry, _____. I never intended to make you feel like second best. Never once. You were my girl."

"Were." Looking up at Steve, you couldn't help the tears. "Is that what you told yourself when you were alone with Peggy Carter?"

Steve hung his head. "I'm really sorry about her. But I can promise you - on my mother - that nothing physical ever happen between us. She kissed me once - just as Nat had kissed you - right before I climbed onto the plane that I eventually crashed into the ice."

You pressed your lips together before forcing out the next question. "Would you.... would you have dated her had you survived?"

Steve sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I don't know. At the time my focus was trying to find out if you were still alive. If we had never found you... if Hydra had killed you...."

"She would have been your happy ending." Tears were flowing freely now. He gingerly reached over and brushed a few away with his fingertips. 

"Maybe. But she never would have been you. I would have missed you every day like I do now."

You turned to face him and placed a hand over his as he caressed your cheek. "I've missed you so much, Steve. Once I was able to remember who I was. Remember what we had." You let out a ragged sigh. "I just don't know if it's possible to gain it all back."

Steve leaned in very slowly and cautiously, watching your face the entire time, before he closed his eyes and laid a gentle kiss on your lips. It was light and brief and brought back thousands of memories. And you were in love with each and every memory.

But as Steve pulled away you remembered how it felt so familiar in Bucky's arms just moments before, despite him being like a brother when you were younger. How comfortable and safe you felt with Nat, despite the unfamiliarity of the romantic situation. How Tony had made it feel like it was only you two in the world, despite how famous he was. Could you really go back to Steve? So easily? With the ghost of Peggy Carter hanging over you and Sharon Carter in the same compound as Steve?

Yes, you still loved Steve. With all your heart and soul. But after all this time - after nearly eighty years - was the love from the past enough? You and Steve had changed so much since then. If either of you returned to your own time, you would both stick out badly. And yet, you weren't necessarily made for each other anymore. 

Sighing, you opened your eyes to look at the man in front of you. Despite his face being filled out from the serum, you could still see that small kid from Brooklyn. But you were no longer convinced he was inside that body.

"I'm sorry, Steve. I can't do this. Not now and not with you. You and I were all I knew when we were kids. But you've had a chance to see the world, experience new things, and new loves. I need to be given that chance as well, so I can figure out who I am in this new time."

Steve's face fell at your news and for a moment your resolve waivered. "Is there anyway I can fix this? Change your mind?"

You scoffed and rolled your eyes before standing up. "Change my mind? Steve, do you hear yourself? I'm asking for time and space to figure out who I am and who I could love - if I even can love anymore - and all you're thinking about is yourself! For fuck sake maybe you should stay with Sharon!"

"That's not fair! I just don't want to lose you again! Everyone was right: she wasn't the one for me. And all I want is to have you back and you're telling me no?"

"IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!" Steve's head jerked back from your outburst. You clenched and unclenched your fists as you took a few steps away. "This isn't about you, Steve, but you sure as fucking trying to make it that way. You need to fucking listen to me. Ever since I was rescued from Hydra and set on the path to recovery, you weren't the one by my side. It's been Nat, Tony, and Bucky. And before you say anything: yes, I know it's because you were a trigger for me at first. It took a long time before I came to terms with it not being your fault. That actually it was a group cluster fuck between you, me, and Bucky. Add in some Howard as well. Bucky was by my side every day as he was the only one who understood what I went through. Nat came by so I could have someone of the female persuasion to bond with. And Tony," you sighed over the grimace Steve tried to hide, "Tony and I bonded over our shared experience with PTSD. So this isn't just a choice between you and Bucky. It's between me and what will make me happy."

"And that's not me?"

"I literally have no fucking clue, Rogers. Not anymore. So I need time to figure it out. And if during that time I go on a date with one of your friends, you can either suck it up...."

"Or?" Steve prompted.

"Or you can never see me again." 

The silence in the room was deafening so you took a deep breath before walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Steve's voice was barely above a whisper, but you both knew that the serum had heightened your hearing.

"To my room. Tony said I would always have a spot here when I came to visit. I need some time to think. Goodnight, Steve." You walked out the door and out of his life. For now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so this ended up shorter than I planned, but the what comes next really should be its own chapter. So sorry!
> 
> Ok so due to a couple of requests, I will be writing 4 different endings!


	16. The Ghosts of The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader seeks advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I’ve decided since everyone is so divided on the ended, I will be writing 4 separate endings. And idea granted to me by Goldengirl01.
> 
> So I will be writing two more chapters as set up, and then 4 chapters that are separate endings, each with the name of the Avenger.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Also, if you couldn't tell, I changed my user name to match Tumblr and Ko-fi to make it easier to find me for updates.

You wandered around the compound, trying to find your way to your guest room. As you passed by one room, beautifully haunting music was snaking out from the bottom of the door. Pressing an ear to the door, you could tell that someone was playing a piano in a dark and dramatic way. You quietly opened the door and stepped into the room.

In the middle of the room was a grand piano and at the keys was Wanda. Vision was off to the side, sitting on a chaise lounge. You raised a finger to your lips and Vision nodded his head. You really wanted to hear this song.

Wanda’s voice was beautiful and the words were very haunting, tugging at you in a weird way.

 _“High in the halls of the kings who are gone,_  
_Jenny would dance with her ghosts._  
_The ones she had lost and the ones she had found,_  
_And the ones who had loved her the most.”_

You didn’t know why, but the lyrics suddenly made you think of your life and all you had lost and gained all at the same time.

 _“The ones who’d been gone for so very long,_  
_She couldn’t remember their names._  
_They spun her around on the damp old stones._  
_Spun away all her sorrow and pain._

 _And she never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave._  
_Never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave.”_

Without realizing it, you had walked across the room until you stood behind Wanda. Almost as if in a trance from the song.

 _“They danced through the day and into the night,_  
_Through the snow that swept through the hall._  
_From winter to summer and winter again,_  
_‘Til the walls did crumble and fall.”_

You reached up to touch your cheek and realized you had started crying again. Today was proving to be very emotional.

 _“And she never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave._  
_Never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave._  
_And she never wanted to leave, never wanted to leave._  
_Never wanted to leave._  
_Never wanted to leave.”_

Wanda began to bring the song to its conclusion and now the tears wouldn’t stop flowing.

 _“High in the halls of the kings who are gone,_  
_Jenny would dance with her ghosts._  
_The ones she had lost and the ones she had found._  
_And the ones who had loved her the most.”_

You took a deep breath to keep your voice from shaking. "That was really beautiful, Wanda."

She looked over her shoulder at you, startled that anyone had been able to sneak up on her. “Thank you, _____. It’s one of my favorite songs to play. It’s actually from a book and show series.”

“Oh, really? The lyrics had seemed so familiar to me, but I know it’s not from that.”

Wanda smiled and patted the bench next to her. “Perhaps because the lyrics closely mirror your life.”

You slowly nodded your head as you sat down. “I was thinking that as I heard you sing. What is the song about, though?”

“An unfortunate tragedy where several people - including the one the song is about - lost their lives. And now she dances with her ghosts.”

You snorted, “I guess in a way that can be applied to my life. I died several decades back and now I’m dancing with the ghosts of my past.”

Wanda reached out and gently took your hand. “I know this can’t be easy; having the two people you’ve known the longest fight over you. To pick one would hurt the other. And I know it may not seem like it at times, but Steve does still love you.”

“How do you know?”

She tapped her temple with her free hand. “I can read minds and Steve’s thoughts are very loud when they concern you. That does not mean you should readily forgive him for any past crimes he may have committed against you. Just that this whole situation is very complicated.”

You rolled your eyes. “That’s putting it mildly.”

Wanda squeezed your hand. "Do you... want to talk about it?"

"I've been trying my best not to think about it. But that goddamn Sharon Carter-" you slammed your free hand down onto the piano and heard a crack.

"Easy! Breathe!" Wanda pulled you away before you could do more damage. "I would expect you to be angrier at her aunt."

You took a deep breath. "Normally I would be, but I was informed by Nat that she passed away a few years back. Hard to fight a dead woman. Her niece however...."

“Yeah, we all figured you weren’t her biggest fan.”

“Nor will she ever be mine. Especially since I slammed her onto a coffee table earlier tonight and held her by the throat.”

Wanda’s eyes grew wide. “Yeah, that would kill any possibility of a friendship.”

“Steve also broke up with her so I’m pretty sure I’ll see her again before I leave this compound.”

“Captain Rogers ended his relationship?” It was the first words you had heard Vision utter.

“How do you feel about that?” Wanda guided you over to sit between her and Vision.

“Part of me feels he only did it because he heard I went on a date with Tony and saw me dancing with Bucky.”

Wanda nodded her head. “I did tell him that he and Sharon should have taken a break once you were captured. Not sure why he chose to ignore that genius advice.” The corners of your mouth twitched. “So what will you do?”

“In the long run? No idea. In fact, I doubt I’ll be able to even sleep tonight. But in the morning I'll head back to the tower and take some time to myself. Maybe even take up Shuri's invitation to visit Wakanda."

You were treated with a warm smile. "If anyone could use a vacation, it's you. Though you will eventually have to make a decision. Even if it ends up being no one."

You sighed and slouched against the couch. "I just don't know what to do. I feel like I would only be going back to Steve because he's all I know. Plus, he and I only kinda talked about Peggy. This god forsaken woman is going to continue to fucking hang over us. AND WHY THE FUCK DID IT HAVE TO BE HER NIECE?!"

"Because I was able to give him something that you couldn't." All three of you looked over at the door to see Sharon standing there, hands angrily on her hips.

"Oh joy, the return of the Beauty Queen. What the actual hell do you want now?" You stood up and began to walk over to her, but Vision grabbed your wrist. You tried to pull it free as you continued to taunt Sharon. "And what were you able to give him, exactly? An emptier version of your aunt? A more boring version of her?"

"I gave him love and companionship! And you took him away from me!"

You rolled your eyes at her. "You only gave him love and companionship because you reminded him of Peggy and he thought I was dead. And spoiler alert, I don't have him either. You two weren't a great match anyway. He's too damn old for you."

"Fuck you!"

"That's the best you got?" You tugged so hard at your wrist, you lifted Vision a mere inch off the ground. He immediately changed his density and you were pinned in place. "Goddamnit! Let me go!"

"That would not be wise, Ms. _____. Agent Carter, I'm afraid you will have to leave. I do not wish for _____ to break her arm in order to escape my grip." 

Sharon had a wild look in her eyes and you could tell she was contemplating whether or not she could get a few hits in on you before you kicked the crap out of her, one handed or not. Finally, she decided it wasn't worth it and headed back out the door. "Hydra should have kept your ass."

"And you shouldn't have gone for your Aunt's sloppy seconds!" You screamed after her, honestly internally debating if it was worth it to break off your own wrist to go after her.

Wanda sighed. "You know what? Vision and I will just take you back to the tower tonight. Stark will have to live with the waiting like the rest of us. C'mon, girl. We'll even grab some really bad for you fast food and drinks along the way."

You shook from the anger that still ran through your body. "Will you stay? With me tonight and help me decide what to do?"

Wanda smiled and gave you a hug. "Of course we will."

"Great. Then let's go. I really could use a burger and beer right about now."


	17. Love's Labor Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An argument breaks out at the compound.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good goddess above!
> 
> Sorry for the delay everyone! I was stumped on this chapter and then all the kids in my house got pink eye so that was a fun 4 days while we tried to get a 2 yr old and a 3 yr old to take eye drops. OMG I drank so much vodka after that. I think I'll be breathing in Lysol for a year. How in seven hells I didn't get it will remain one of life's greatest mysteries.
> 
> So here's this chapter finally and I will move on to each individual choose your own endings, going in order:
> 
> Natasha  
> Tony  
> Steve  
> Bucky
> 
> The last two being longer because of how complicated everything is. So if you want the story to end a certain way, never fear I am obliging! (I realized when I was closing the voting that I was going to have upset fans either way. I never want to leave anyone out so I hope this helps.)

"Thank you for staying with me last night, Wanda. And you as well, Vision. I really needed that. I- I didn't have many friends when I was younger outside the two boys."

Wanda smiled and pulled you in for a hug. "Of course, sweetie. No matter what happens with those boys, you'll always have friends in the compound."

Vision laid a hand on your shoulder, "should you ever need us again, we will be over in mere moments. Until then, I can only hope for your sake and theirs that Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes can put aside their differences to talk this situation out."

"Sure, and maybe during that time Tony can make a suit for a pig so they can finally fly."

Wanda giggle. "You never know. Weirder things have happened."

"Very true. Have a safe trip back."

You watched as the headed towards the elevator for their trip back to the compound upstate. Part of you wanted to go and finally settle everything, but Wanda had given you the great idea of a much needed vacation. And you knew just were to go.

Meanwhile, Wanda and Vision arrived back in the compound to find some of the team in the communal kitchen.

"Has anyone seen _____?" Tony waltzed into the common area, an old cup of coffee in his hands. "I was hoping to take her out to breakfast this morning. In fact, where are Wanda and Vision?"

Sam didn't even bother looking up from his paper. "They took ____ back to the tower yesterday. She was getting sick of all your shit."

"My shit?!"

"All of you! And frankly, so am I. How the fuck are you guys superheros when you're fighting over that poor girl like she's a toy? What the fuck is wrong with all of you?"

The room became awkwardly quiet as each Avenger looked at one another. Steve took a deep breath. "This is all my fault."

"No shit," Sam muttered.

Steve frowned at him but continued. "I've been selfish ever since I found out she was back. I should have broken up with Sharon sooner, but I didn't. I should have found some way to help bring her back like I did Bucky, but I didn't. And now when she wants to be happy with someone else, I chased her out. I should go talk to her."

"Wrong conclusion," Sam finally tossed down his paper and looked up at the room from the kitchen table. "What you need to do is give her some damn air. All four of you. Y'all ought to be ashamed of yourselves, putting pressure on some poor girl who barely became un-brainwashed a few months ago. Leave the damn girl alone to think and breath, for fuck's sake."

Slowly, each person that had been trying to vie for your heart nodded their head, realizing how much pressure they were putting on you when your head may still be spinning from your life changing so much. Wanda and Vision finally stepped farther into the room.

"Thank you, Sam. I'm glad I'm not the only one sticking up for _____ right now."

"Not just him," Clint chimed in. "I lectured Nat last night as well. Almost lost my hand but it was worth it."

"Is there anyway we can make this up to her?" Bucky asked cautiously.

"Yeah, leave her the hell alone right now."

"Sam," Wanda started gently before turning back to the group. "Listen, right now you just need to give her some space to think. She's leaving on vacation today and has told me she will contact me if and when she makes up her mind. When she does that, I'll tell you where she is. But only then."

Steve opened his mouth to comment more, but the room exploded in anger. "STEVE ROGERS! We need to talk right the fuck now!"

Tony rolled his eyes so hard Wanda was worried he may have seen his brain. "I should have known keeping her in the compound was going to be a bad idea. You better calm her ass, Capsicle, before she breaks my compound."

Steve turned just in time to watch Sharon stomp into the room. "Where is that murderous bitch?! We're settling this shit now!"

"Sharon, just drop it. You're damn lucky she left you alive."

"Lucky? LUCKY?! I can't believe you're taking her side! I thought you loved me?!"

He took a deep breath and steeled himself. "I thought I did to."

"WHAT?!"

"I said I thought I did too! But the more I look back the more I realize.... you were just a replacement."

Everyone instantly adverted their eyes away as Sharon's face fell. "I- I was a what?"

"A replacement. Parts of you reminded me of either ____ or Peggy. Your eyes, your lips, your stubborn nature, your iron will. All reminded me of the other two women. I don't know if there is anything that's just you that- that I really even noticed."

The silence was electric. And then Sharon pulled her hand back and slapped Steve across the face. "Fuck you!"

Steve raised a hand to his cheek as he watched Sharon storm away. Natasha spoke first.

"Holy shit, Steve. I didn't know you had an asshole in you."

He didn't respond and instead headed off to his room to wonder if he did the right thing.


	18. Natasha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader's happy ending with the Black Widow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try to churn these out quickly since you waited so patiently for that half-ass chapter of mine I recently released. And I promise all good quality for the endings.
> 
> Lightly hinted at smut. I can't say all chapters will have that. It's just where this chapter lead to.

You were sitting out on the balcony of your hotel room, enjoying the lightly warm midday sun. Tuscany had been everything Wanda gushed it to be and you couldn't get enough of the city. You knew it would be damn near impossible to return to the tower when you time was up. And subsequently the compound when it was time to join the team.

It wasn't going to be fun - facing everyone after that huge awkward explosion of emotions. But you also knew you wouldn't have grown as much as you did as a person this last month if you had kept everything bottled up. If you kept letting Steve and Bucky fight over you like the last cookie.

And yet, there was something to be said about going back. Other than your obligation to the US government. There was someone else on your mind, creeping in there unexpectedly to say the least. During the time when you, Steve, and Bucky grew up, it would have been frowned upon to go outside the norm. To date outside who you were expected to date. Not just frowned upon. Illegal. So you did you best to never have certain thoughts. To never look at certain people a certain way.

But now it was the year 2020 and god help you, you couldn't get Natasha off your mind. At first you had thought it was going to be your real first friendship since waking from your Hydra sleep. But the more time you spent around her - and found out how much she had in common with you with the whole evil-government-agency-churning-out-assassins vibe, the more you felt connected to her. And the more your feelings became complicated.

Then she kissed you and your world changed in ways you didn't know was possible. You realized that your choice was far more complex than just Bucky and Steve. Your sexuality was now in play in a brand new way. And you really wanted to explore that part of you. Which meant turning down your long time love and his best friend.

You looked back in your room and frowned at the lack of wine and desserts in your room. If you were going to have to have an existential crisis, you were going to need junk food and alcohol. 

So grabbing your coat, you slipped out of your hotel room and out into the Tuscan fall day. 

The street was only lightly crowded as you made your way first to the market to grab a couple bottles of wine and then to the bakery to grab a dozen cannolis. Or two. The bakery was mainly empty minus a red head in front of you, that just served as a reminder of the decision you would have to make later.

"Excuse me," the woman had a deep caramel voice. "Can I have those cannolis? Yes, the remaining ones."

Was this woman really going to take the last of the cannolis? Over your dead body. "I'm sorry, but are you actually going to clean them out? I just pried myself out of my hotel room just for these."

"Well I'm sorry to disappoint-" her voice stopped as she turned around and your jaw dropped. "____?! Oh my god I didn't know you were here!"

"Natasha?! Holy shit what are you doing here?"

She immediately pulled you into a hug and you sunk into the comforting feeling. "I'm here on vacation. What are you doing here?"

"This is where I went to hide from everyone. I told Wanda not to tell anyone where I was until I gave the ok."

"Don't, she definitely stayed true to her word. I just figured I would take some of my overflowing vacation time while I waited for the call. Whether it was for me or someone else. I've always loved Italy."

"What a great coincidence. I was actually thinking of you. But now I'm kinda mad since your taking the last of the cannolis."

Nat laughed and her smile lights your soul on fire. "Well what a coincidence in deed. Because my next stop was for wine and it looks like you got that covered."

"So you're saying we should combine forces?" A smirked graced your face and you saw a light blush hit Nat's face.

"Not the worst idea I've ever had." She managed to cover her emotions with a smirk of her own.

Now it was your turn to feel your face grow hot. "No, it's certainly not. My hotel's not too far from here. We can walk over and stream some really bad tv while we enjoy our spoils."

"How bad?"

"So bad we can't mention what we watched to anyone at the compound without being ridiculed for life."

"I'm in!"

Nat looped her arm with yours and the two of you strolled down the street back to your hotel room. You hooked up the tv to find something to watch while Nat pulled up a loveseat and set up the cannolis and wine on a coffee table. You both settled into the loveseat and you couldn't help but notice how nice it felt having to squeeze next to her in this small space.

"Are you comfortable?" Nat tried to casually ask, but you could see the worry in her eyes. She was afraid to press past your boundaries and in that moment you felt the safest you had since you first woke up.

"Yeah, are you?" You gave her a reassuring smile.

She smiled back and you started to watch tv. But as the night went on and the alcohol soaked into your system, you became less and less afraid of the unknown. You relaxed into the loveseat more, causing your thigh to press against hers. Nat stiffened for a moment, but soon relaxed into you. Eventually your hand inched your way over and lightly placed on top of hers. 

Nat looked over at you, hope in her eyes. "_____?"

"I just wanted you to know I've made my choice. And it isn't any of the boys."

"Really? Are you sure?"

As an answer, you leaned in to kiss her. When you went to pull away, she cupped her hand around the back of the neck and pulled you back in. Nat felt so soft compared to Steve and you easily melted into her kiss, your hands going to cradle her face. She filled your senses and it was an amazing experience. Hands went everywhere and you couldn't get over how different but how right it felt to hold her like you had once held Steve.

You weren't sure how or when, but you found yourself on your bed with Nat straddled over you. The question was in her eyes and you answered by giving her a rough kiss. She was very gentle, knowing that this was all so new for you. Every kiss, touch, and caress convinced you that you had made the right choice. There was no going back: you belonged to Natasha now.

When the night was done, you were entangled in her limbs as she laid her head on your chest. Your heart beat calmed her and soon your breathing was in sync.

"So," she hoarsely whispered, "what did you think?"

"I think you're going to have a hard time getting rid of me, Romanov."

She chuckled at your response. "Good. Because it'll be a cold day in hell before I let you go."

You looked down at her and brushed her hair away from her face. "You're really beautiful, Nat."

A grin threatened to split her face in half. "So are you, _____. I'm going to hate to give you back in a week."

You smirked at her. "Who said you were giving me back? I'm going to need visitors at the tower until I'm allowed to join the team."

"Speaking of the team, do you know what you're going to say to the boys when you get back?" Nat's finger began tracing designs all over your body, sending shivers down your spine.

"Honestly? That's the last thing on my mind right now."

"Good answer," she growled as she moved to lean over you once again.

The rest of this vacation was going to be amazing.


	19. Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader settles down with Iron Man

"I can't believe how beautiful Paris is at night," you whispered to yourself. From the observation deck on the Eiffel Tower, you could see a good portion of the city's blinking lights. It was so picturesque. But also a bit lonely. As you had walked the streets to get to the tower, you passed several couples. And on top of the tower wasn't better. You could hear a person behind you getting ready to propose to their partner. 

Sighing, you headed for the elevator and away from the tower. 

You had kept the phone Shuri had given you and were occasionally texting Wanda and Vision to let them know how your vacation was going. Wanda said she was staying true to her word and hadn't mention once to anyone in the compound where you had wandered off to for the past two months. You, however, hadn't been as careful. The other night you had a little too much wine and sent Tony a text wishing that he was there with you. And that you didn't care what Steve thought. When you woke up the next day to see what you had written, you didn't know which had embarrassed you more: the fact that you had asked Tony to come to Paris or the fact that he never responded.

And in your head it made sense. You had known his father and you were his friend's ex-girlfriend. It was enough to make any man think twice. That, and the whole former-Hydra-assassin part of your past was a little off putting.

But it still hurt. It was the first time you had made a move on someone and to be rejected was a new feeling for you. Tony was well known to the world. He had tried to settle down with Pepper, but in the end she couldn't handle the stress of being CEO of Stark Industries _and_ have a superhero boyfriend. She was a strong woman, but there was only so much one person was expected to handle. And she was really beautiful. How could you compare to her? Or to any of the other beautiful women that had come before her? Stark had a type and you seriously doubted you fit the mold. 

You reached your hotel and went up to your room. The night was still young and you decided to treat yourself to one of the best restaurants in France. One with amazing desserts and a live band. In your room you changed into a cocktail length black dress that flared out at the bottom, silver dangling earrings, and black heels. You kept your make-up simple, doing cat eyes with black eyeliners and dark red lipstick, before grabbing your clutch and heading back out the door.

The cab pulled up in front of the restaurant door and you slipped in as someone held it open for you.

"Thank you," you murmured, not looking at their face. You had been trying to keep a low profile, not wanting to attract unwanted male attention while you were still nursing your own wounded heart.

"My pleasure, Warrior Queen." Your eyes snapped up to find you face to face with a pair of very familiar chocolate brown eyes that just seemed to drink you in.

"Tony?!"

Before he could respond, the maître d' raced over to Tony's side. "Monsieur Stark, such a pleasure as always to see you! We have your table waiting for you. Right this way!" The man suddenly noticed you. "Oh, and this lovely young woman must be your date. Please, this way mademoiselle."

Your jaw slightly dropped in shock before Tony discreetly nudged you with his elbow. Snapping out of it, you looped your arm with Tony and followed through the restaurant. Leaning in, you whispered to Tony, "what is going on? Why are you here?"

The maître d' stopped at the best table in the whole restaurant, center view of the stage and right before the dance floor. Tony pulled your chair out for you and you graciously sat, still very much confused. The next few minutes were a blur while the waiter came over to explain the specials and wine recommendations. Seeing that you were still reeling from the shock of seeing him, Tony took care of ordering a bottle for the table as well as appetizers - much like your very first date with him.

As the waiter left to grab the order, you placed your elbows on the table so you could tent your hands in front of your face. "Ok, seriously. What's going on Stark? Why are you here? And did you know I would be at this restaurant?"

"Why am I here? You invited me, remember?" He sat across from you, looking incredibly sexy in a dark blue suit with a black tie. He was wearing his trademark smirk and you could see his Stark Tech glasses just barely peeking out of his front pocket. "And as for knowing where you are, in case you forgot FRIDAY can search every and all data base on this planet."

Your head jerked in surprise. "Really?"

Tony chuckled and you loved the sound, "well, yes. But in your text you did tell me what hotel you were at. So I rented a room there as well hoping I would run into you. When I saw you in the lobby dressed so amazingly, I knew there was only one place you could be heading and decided to make sure we had a table waiting."

You pressed your lips together to try to keep from smiling at his impish ways. "Listen, about that text the other night-"

"If you're going to say it was a drunken mistake, you'll be ripping my poor heart out. And it's already been through so much these past twelve years." Tony placed a hand over his heart in a very over dramatic way, making his lip quiver.

He was trying to pass it off as a joke, but you could see it in his eyes he really was worried you were about to turn him down.  "No, it's not that. Though there was at least two bottles of wine coursing through my system when I sent that text. Honestly, that was probably the only way I was ever going to work up the nerve to talk to you about all this. I am more surprised that you actually came out here. I know about your past with Pepper and in all honesty, how can a hundred-and-two-year-old-former-Hydra-assassin-and-ex-girlfriend-of-Captain-America really even compare?"

Tony nodded his head thoughtfully. "Well first, let me start off by saying you look amazing for a hundred-and-two. Seriously. You don't look a day over ninety."

You couldn't help but giggle at him as you reached for your wine glass.

"But you're absolutely correct: that's quite a baggage of a title you've made for yourself. So it just so happens, I have a better one."

"Oh? Well don't leave me in suspense, Stark. You're on a roll." You brought the glass to your lips and the red wine danced down your throat.

"How about: former-Hydra-assassin-turned-Avenger/Iron Man's-girlfriend sound?"

The glass stopped as you were pulling it away from your lips and you looked at him over the rim. Seeing that he was serious, you put the wine glass down so you wouldn't drop it in your shock. "I'm sorry, what?"

Tony just smiled and smoothly left his chair to offer you his hand. You shook your head lightly, but took his hand any way and he began to spin you around the dance floor. And as you spun, a line from the song Wanda had sung months ago popped into your head.

_They spun her around on the damp old stone._

_Spun away all her sorrow and pain._

And oddly enough, that's exactly how it felt while you were in Tony's arms. All that sorrow and pain from the last century just seemed to melt away. All that you had lost as a person and the friends you were once so close with. None of it seemed to matter as you looked deep in Tony's eyes while he held you close. 

You were stronger now than you were over seventy years ago. Both physically and mentally thanks to the serum (and therapy). But being with Tony made you feel vulnerable, but in a good way. Like you could truly open yourself up to him and there would be no judgements. No expectations. No conditions.

Closing your eyes, you leaned in until your cheek touched his. You could feel his hand squeeze you on your side. "You ok, kid?"

"Of course," you pulled away to look into his eyes again. "The best I've felt in nearly eighty years. And you're absolutely right: I need a new title. Is yours still up for grabs?"

That sexy smirk of his was there in a flash. "Well, I don't know. That was so long ago and I've had a few offers since then."

Oh this man was too much. Why did he have to be so appealing? "Bet I can sweeten the pot."

"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow.

You closed the gap and gave him a kissed that actually rendered him breathless. "Yeah. I was thinking one of us should cancel our room. Why would we need two?"

"You little minx. That is a sweet pot." Tony pressed a kiss to your nose. "Ok, but we're cancelling your room. No offence, but I don't think yours has a balcony overlooking the Eiffel Tower, or a king-size bed, or a-"

You kissed him to shut him up. "You've made your point, Stark. So how about we finish dinner and get dessert to go?"

"It's like we're already sharing one brain."

"That could come in handy later."

"Yes ma'am," he growled in your ear before spinning around the dance floor once more.

Spinning away all your sorry and pain to make way for a fresh start and an amazing life.


	20. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader and Steve decide on their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to publish this, but then I felt I left a few things unsaid. So I pulled it to try one more time.
> 
> So if you got a notification last night that I posted this chapter, but saw nothing I apologize!

Steve never did find out where you ending up going on vacation. Wanda wouldn't say unless you called about your decision and you never called. In fact, the only way he knew you had even returned to New York was during a meeting about a couple of missions. Fury was deciding the teams and the one that made the most sense for Steve to go on, Fury refused to send him.

"Don't worry about it, Rogers. Our Tower Team has that one. Romanov, Maximoff, and Vision will join them and you'll stay with the remaining team for the other mission."

"Fury, will all do respect, I really should go with them. Bucky knows Siberia really well. We should be a part of that team."

Fury took a deep breath before dropping the shoe. "You and Barnes cannot go on this mission. ____ is going as part of the Tower Team. She knows Siberia just as well as Barnes if not better. You will stay with Stark's team."

It was like Steve had been punched in the gut. Not only were you back, but you were going on missions with Natasha. Did that mean you had chosen her and just couldn't bear to tell Steve? He would certainly have deserved it. But he still had to know. 

He waiting patiently through the remainder of the meeting until Fury dismissed them all. Steve needed to talk to Natasha, and in no real surprise she hung back as if she could read his mind.

Before he could even open his mouth, Natasha began. "No, Steve. I didn't know she was back nor did I know she would be doing missions with us so soon."

"So she never contacted you from wherever she was vacationing?" Steve jaw clenched as he waited for the final blow to his heart.

Nat sighed. "No, Steve. She didn't choose me any more than she choose you. And as far as I know, she didn't choose Stark or Bucky either."

He nodded, already knowing the Bucky part. Knowing his friend well enough to believe Bucky would have spoken to him first before leaving to see you. "I just figured with-"

"Her and I going on the same mission? Steve, it's a mission, not a honeymoon." He hung his head at the embarrassment of assuming such an absurd thing. It was like that damn fondue conversation all over again. "Though, I have heard some news on her."

Steve's ears instantly perked at this and he raised his eyes to look at Nat. "Is she ok? Did she relapse?"

"No, Shuri's keeping a watchful eye out for that. It's more...." Nat looked away, unsure how to let Steve know.

"What, Nat? You can tell me."

"_____ didn't choose any of us, but she has chosen to date. Shuri wouldn't tell me much about the guy - you know, for fear of us scaring him - but ____ has gone on a few dates with him. And she appears to be happy."

Steve didn't know which was worse: finding out you hadn't picked him or that you hadn't picked anyone he would have trusted. After the initial hurt had worn off, he would have been more ok with you being with someone he knew then some stranger.

"Hey," Nat's voice broke through his thoughts. "It's going to be ok. She did mention wanting to date some more, to see the world. To get the chances that you had. She could still pick you. _____ just needs to grow first."

He slowly nodded his head. "I know, I know. And frankly I have no right to hope after all that I put her through once she snapped out of her state. But it still hurts like hell. I want her to be happy...."

"You just want it to be with you?"

Steve nodded his head, too afraid to say the words out loud. He felt he didn't deserve you and had no right to even hope to end up with you. But still, the heart wants what it wants.

"It'll be ok, Steve. In time it'll all be ok." Nat pulled Steve in for a hug before leaving to start on her mission.

Steve never found out how the mission went beyond the basics and Nat, Wanda, and Vision wouldn't offer up any information, stating that you just wanted to stay private for now. But it was hard for Steve to not know what was going on. He spent sleepless nights wondering how you were, how many missions you were going on, how you were recovering, and worse of all, how it was going with that new guy.

Were you still dating him? Was he treating you right? Did he walk you home each time? Did you cook for him like you used to cook for Steve? Did he stay with you into the night?

That last question hurt more than the rest, though Steve knew he had no right to hurt over you. Not when he had caused you so much pain. 

Bucky could see how his friend was hurting and he wanted to be there with him, but he hurt as well once he found out you were dating someone no one knew. And he had hurt Steve too by wanting you. So he kept his distance and advised Tony to do the same. All they were doing right now was reminding Steve of the choice you refused to make.

Days passed into weeks into months until it was two years after you had made your choice of no choice. You were an official member of the Avengers, but remained in the Tower instead of moving into the Compound like the others had. Steve still missed you, but was trying his best to move beyond the pain so he could still do what the world needed of him. But it wouldn't be for much longer. The idea of retirement was too tantalizing to pass up and Sam would make a damn good Captain America in his mind. But Steve knew if he retired, he'd have more free time on his hands to think about you. So he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

It was Tony that ended up helping him in the end. After he got back together with Pepper, her and Stark had tried to find different ways to help Steve take his mind off you. And it was Pepper that came up with a brilliant idea.

"Vacation?" Steve looked across the kitchen at the absolute definition of power couple. "You want me to go on vacation? Tony, we have that big mission coming up."

"Already covered, Capsicle. Coulson's lending us a few of his Inhuman friends to help out. And you won't be going far. I bought you a perfect place near your old neck of the woods in Brooklyn. That way if you decide to switch from vacationer to retiree, you're already halfway there."

"Tony I can't take that from you. It's too much."

"Oh you absolutely will take it, Steve!" Pepper cut in. "Do you have any idea how much trouble I went to in finding the perfect place and decor that would make you feel at home? You're going there tonight. The place is already stocked for you."

Steve ducked his head and blushed. He knew better than to fight Pepper on anything. Holding his hands up in surrender, he looked back up at the Iron Couple. "Ok, ok. I give up. Where is this place at?"

"Check your phone, Cap. I've just had FRIDAY send you all the details. The door lock is biometric so no keys needed. So get outta here, old man."

Steve chuckled before grabbing an overnight bag and running off to find his bike. Pepper turned to Tony. "You know, I'm really surprised. You were able to keep that secret from Steve."

Tony did a double take then put his hand over his heart in a dramatic gesture. "I can be trusted! So, how much do you think he'll jump out of his skin when he walks inside the apartment?"

"Good thing we got him the top floor so no one can complain when he jumps through the ceiling and through their flooring."

Steve reached his new home in mere moments and took a pause to look around the neighborhood. So much had changed and yet it still felt so familiar to him. It was almost like walking down memory lane. In fact, if he closed his eyes he could have sworn he could smell your cooking. He turned towards the apartment building and headed up, marveling at how high end, yet traditional it looked. Like it was originally built in the 40s but then revamped for modern times.

The ride in the elevator was surprisingly short despite being on the top floor and when he stepped out, he was greeted with music from his time dating you. It was a beautiful wave of nostalgia and as he walked closer to the door that lead to his apartment he realized it was coming from there. Had Tony and Pepper left the radio on for him?

Opening the door, he was hit with the strong scent of cooking food. Not just any food. But Steve's favorite meal that you loved to cook for him. 

He stepped farther into the apartment, his mind being torn in two directions. The soldier in Steve wanted to be ready in case it was an ambush, but the other part knew Tony and Pepper would never set him up like that. 

Steve was finally able to see into the kitchen from the living room and his mouth dropped in shock. You looked up from the counter and smiled as you placed rolls into a basket. "Hey Rogers, you just in time. The chicken is almost done and I was just about to mash the potatoes. Can you be a dear and set the table?"

He couldn't move from where he was rooted to the floor. Was he dreaming or were you really there? You looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow. 

"Oh! Of course!" Steve snapped out of her shock and rushed over to the kitchen. You pointed at a cabinet and Steve began to pull out plates and cups to set on the table. He had to reach around you for the flatware and napkins, causing him to be surrounded by the scent of your perfume. What the hell was going on?

"I'll answer your questions over dinner, Rogers. I know you have a lot of them, I can see each and everyone in your eyes." You didn't bother looking up from the sink where you were cleaning some of the dishes from making dinner. You liked to have as much done as possible before sitting down to eat so there wasn't a pile waiting once the meal was over. "Can you please grab the chicken out of the oven?"

It took a few minutes of pokes from you, subtle looks, and out right reminders before you and Steve got back into the rhythm of cooking together. Soon the dishwasher was running with the dishes that had been used to make the meal and you set the food on the table while Steve opened up an expensive looking wine Tony and Pepper had left as a housewarming gift. You sat across from each other in a mildly awkward silence while Steve served you a plate of food. You were about to start the conversation, when Steve interrupted you with a loud moan.

"Steve?" You looked up worried.

"I'm sorry, _____. I just forgot how damn good your cooking was." He had his eyes closed and you could swear if he were to die right then, he would die a happy man. It had been far too long since you saw him that...well, that happy.

"Thank you, Steve. I was afraid I might have been a bit out of practice and but all the equipment nowadays is so much better than what we had growing up. This took half the time it would have back then."

He shook his head. "Shit, now I'm going to be spoiled by this. You know I can't cook to save my life and we had good food at the compound, but nothing like this."

You gave him a faint smile. "Well, maybe if tonight goes well and you play your cards right you won't have to go back to meals in a box."

Steve chuckled, "it's not that bad. I did learn some basic things." He wiped his mouth with a napkin before looking up at you. "_____, why are you here? Trust me, I'm damn glad to see you-"

"Really? And here I thought it was all for the chicken you're scarfing down." You took a sip of the wine.

Steve ducked his head to hid the blush creeping up. "You know I could never resist your cooking. But.... I thought you were still mad at me."

You took a deep breath and leaned back in your chair as you tore apart a roll. "I was. Oh god, was I ever mad at you. And that Barbie doll you dated." Steve went to open his mouth, but you just raised your hand. "Uh-uh, no. I'm not done and this is a long time coming. Regardless of whether or not we get back together, this conversation needs to happen. Especially now that I'm an Avenger. There's only so many times Fury can keep us separated. In fact, that's why I'm here. A big mission is coming up next month and he needs both teams to work together. I promised Fury I would talk to you and clear the air between us. The team may hope you retire, but you and I both know better."

"I had actually played around with the idea. Sam would make a damn good Cap."

"Not to mention how awesome the kids would find it to see Cap fly." You took a deep breath and plunged into the awkwardness you could no longer avoid. "So I assumed you had heard that I was dating."

Steve's face fell at this. Of course you would be here for work and not him. Hell, up until that moment he forgot you were dating someone else. "Yeah, I had. Though Nat said Shuri wouldn't tell us anything about the guy. Is he- does he treat you right?"

"No, he didn't. So I left him."

Steve was confused by the frankness of your words and this conversation. And the lack of sadness in your eyes as you spoke about a man you had once been intimate with. "You left him?"

"He kept wanting me to quit and just become someone normal. To be a stay at home housewife as if I was back in the 40s. No matter how many times I tried to explain it to him that I could never be his version of normal. Starting with the fact that I was at least seventy years older than him. He hated being reminded of that. Add in that this day and age is giving me opportunities I never would have had when we were younger. I don't ever want to go back."

"I'm really sorry to hear that, _____. He clearly didn't know what he had."

"Did you?" You took a sip of your wine and then stood up to clear the dishes. Steve beat you to it and gestured for you to sit back down.

"Let me. It's the least I can do for all that cooking." You turned around in your chair and watched Steve get to work in the kitchen. "And to answer your question, I didn't. And I was an idiot for it. I had a wonderful woman in my life who loved me for who I was. All I did was push her aside for my own pursuits. She was everything I needed, an my selfishness made her a prisoner of Hydra."

He stopped and braced himself against the counter, hanging his head. You got up from the chair and walked over to him, placing a hand on his back. Gently rubbing his back, you whispered in his ear. "I missed you, Steve."

Looking up, you could see the doubt in his eyes. "Why?"

You half smiled at him. "Maybe because you're still that kid from when we were young. Maybe because I still feel like that young girl. Maybe it's because I no longer give a rat's ass about those Carter women. Time does heal all wounds. Although, please for the love of everything, don't ask me to be Sharon's friend."

"Never," he whispered. "Thank you."

You smirked, "also, maybe it's because that serum gave you a nice butt."

Steve couldn't help but chuckle, 'hey, that's America's ass to you."

That caused you to burst out laughing. "America's what?"

Steve's face grew red as he told you the story of when he, Tony, and Scott Lang had to travel to New York in the past to fix what Thanos broke. You were in tears from laughter by the time the story was over. "Oh my god! Well, he's not wrong."

He turned around to watch to laugh and slowly pulled you into his arms. "I'd rather it be your ass."

You tilted your head up to look him in the face. "On one condition."

Steve felt hope in his chest. "Anything."

"We need to go to therapy together. I maybe able to forgive you and ignore Sharon, but that doesn't erase the past. I want this, Steve. I want us to pick up where we left off. I want us to have our family. I want us to grow old together."

He leaned down and pressed his forehead to yours. "I want that too. So badly."

You closed your eyes and sunk into his embrace. "Dance with me."

"What?"

"Dance with me, Steve. The radio's still playing and those dishes can wait. You owed me that dinner from 1943, and now I'll take a dance. So dance with me, right here in the kitchen."

A smile spread across his face and he began to spin you around the kitchen, holding you close. "I love you, _____. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you in my life."

"I love you too, Steve. I'm really looking forward to our future together." You tilted your face up and closed your eyes as Steve gave you a long overdue kiss.


	21. Bucky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The two former Hydra assassins find a happy ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. A million and one thank you's. My thanks you's thank you. You guys are awesome! Thank you again for reading this rollercoaster!
> 
> Yeah, I made mention to a tumblr post in here. You may recognize it.
> 
> My requests are still closed until I get a few more stories crossed off my list, but feel free to stay hi or check out the future fics on Tumblr: My-marvel-musings

Wakanda was achingly beautiful. Bucky never got tired of visiting, especially when tensions were too high at the compound. 

You had called while you were on vacation to tell Steve that no matter how much they may have wanted it, they weren't going to get back together. So much had changed over the eighty years and you were still deeply hurt about the Carter women. Steve had taken it well over the phone, but broke down the next day. He even went so far as to declare his retirement, stating it wouldn't be good to have him on the team with you and him in constant agony over it. Bucky had tried to talk him out of it until Steve flipped on him.

"Don't, Buck! I know you mean well, but I need this time away from the team." Then Steve sighed and Bucky knew whatever was coming next would hurt more than just Steve. "I need time away from you and _____."

Bucky's jaw dropped at this. "What are you talking about?"

"She told me that she didn't pick me or Stark, so that leaves you and Nat. And I know down the line I'll be happy she's with someone I trust, but I can't handle that right now. Wondering this whole time if she really wanted you since we were kids instead of me."

Bucky snapped out of his shock. "This never would have happened if you hadn't let Peggy flirt with you or took Sharon into your bed, you punk! You have no one to blame but yourself!"

Those had been his last words to Steve before he stomped out of the room and then out of the compound. After he had calmed down, he wrote Steve an email apologizing. Steve apologized as well, but there was still tension between the long time friends. And it was taking the shape of you.

He hadn't meant to let his feelings for you surface. Bucky had had a crush on you since the day you two met as kids. But he saw how much Steve had a crush on you and how good you were to Steve, so he stepped aside and encouraged those feelings. 

But when Bucky saw how Steve had smiled at Peggy, he wanted to punch his best friend in the jaw. And then again after he watched all that you went through without Steve at your side. All while Steve agonized over whether or not to keep dating Sharon. Steve was a good man, but he didn't know dick about women or love. 

Bucky walked through the Wakanda landscape until he came across the place he had lived while he was here healing. A new person was now watching over the goats and Bucky couldn't help but laugh at a baby goat that kept trying to pick a fight with everything bigger than him.

"Please, for the love of all things holy, tell me that one's named Steve."

Bucky whirled around to watch you coming from behind him and to the right. He gave you a half smile as you walked up. "I have no idea, but now I hope so as well. What are you doing here?"

"Good to see you too, Barnes."

Bucky blushed. "I didn't mean-"

"No, I know. But I gotta give you hell. What brought you here?"

"Steve."

Your eyebrows furrowed and you looked in the direction that Bucky had come from. "He's here?"

"No, uh, he...." Bucky looked down, not knowing how to finish the sentence. You had known him for so long, he didn't have to.

"Ah. My phone call. I was wondering if that would trigger anything. How bad was it?" You were trying to be casual about it, crouching down to pet a goat that had wandered up. But Bucky could hear the underlining panic in your voice.

"Pretty bad. I may have called Steve an idiot. Or close to it. Saying this was all his fault."

You snorted and looked up at Bucky. "Well, you weren't wrong. So you were looking for a place to escape to?"

"Basically. I fell in love with place when I was healing. Before Thanos...."

Nodding your head, you stood back up. "Were you- did you?"

"I did," the pain in his eyes were unmistakable. Then he asked the question he didn't really want the answer to. "You?"

Blinking back the tears, you nodded your head. "I was all alone when it happened. Not quite Hydra, but certainly not free. They could call me back anytime they had wanted. I had always hated that. But when I...." you looked down at your feet. "It was the first time in my life I would have been glad to have had any of them around. So I wouldn't have been alone."

Bucky gathered you into his arms, the cold vibranium of his arm a nice contrast against the warm sun. "You would still have been alone even if they had been there. But you're not alone now."

You buried your face in Bucky's shoulder, amazed at how much closer you were to his height ever since you were injected with the serum. "Thank you, Bucky."

"C'mon. Let's head back. I think Shuri was going to test some new equipment today."

"Shuri? Or T'Challa."

"Do you really have to ask?" Bucky chuckled as you headed towards Shuri's lab. 

That afternoon you laughed at T'Challa being Shuri's crash test dummy for a lack of better word and then went out to dinner in town. Shuri had smiled suggestively at you when you explained how you and Bucky wouldn't be joining the royal family for dinner.

"It's not like that. Bucky was Steve's friend long before I came into the picture. There's no way he would betray that bond by dating me."

She just shrugged. "Maybe not tonight, but I can see it coming. You two looked so cute together in my lab." Shuri reached out a hand to straighten your dress. "Or I can always set you up with Agent Ross."

You couldn't help but laughed. "Ok, no. Stop trying to fix me up with people! Bucky is my friend."

"Mhmm."

That night you and Bucky laughed and reminisced over dinner, recalling the time Steve got stuck in a fence he thought he was skinny enough to squeeze through, the time Bucky tried to save Steve from getting beat up - and got the crap kicked out of him instead, and the time you tried to learn to knit resulting in you making hats far too big for either boy. It was the most fun you had in a long time and you had almost forgotten how great it was spending time with Bucky.

And then soon enough the vacation was over, leaving you back at the Tower and Bucky at the Compound. You were trying to continue on with your life, but your mind kept drifting back to your time in Wakanda. And to Bucky. You knew it wasn't right, wanting your ex-boyfriend's best friend. But you also couldn't ignore the way Bucky had kept sneaking looks at you when you were together. It was the most alive you had felt in a long time. And it sure as hell was a long time since anyone had looked at you that way.

So when Steve made his retirement official and Sam took up the mantel, there was only one move left. Leaving the Tower, you climbed onto your bike to have a long overdue meeting.

"You want to move into the compound?"

"Stark, if you raise your eyebrows any higher they'll fly right off your face." You were sitting in Tony's lab, feet up on an empty table with Bruce- er, Hulk, well whatever he went by now - taking up a large corner on the other side. "It's time I moved in here. How can I be part of the team if I'm hours away?"

Bruce shifted his large form on his stool. "Maybe she has a point, Tony."

"Thanks, Jolly Green Giant." Stark turned back to you. "This wouldn't happen to do with the fact that Steve's no longer here, no does it?"

"Give me more credit than that." Tony raised an eyebrow, but you just rolled your eyes. "Seriously, I should be here with the rest of the team."

"Alright, Xena. You want it, you got it. Your new room will be next to Wanda and Vision."

"Thank, Metal Head." Leaving the lab, you went to find Wanda to get set up.

It all started innocently enough. You had girls' nights in and out with Wanda and Nat. Training sessions with Sam and Clint. Mission plans with Fury and Coulson. Drinking and bullshit sessions with Tony. But the one person you didn't see often was Bucky. It was almost like he was avoiding you.

Always determined, you found ways to be in his space when he was around you. Reaching around him in the kitchen or standing right where he needed to be, sitting close to him on the couch during team movie nights, getting partnered with him on missions.

Until finally it came to a head one night very late. You had been wandering aimlessly through the compound when Bucky came out of nowhere and pinned you against the wall.

"Well, that has to be the first time in a long time that anyone got the drop on me. And trust me, Nat has tried several times."

"Why are you doing this, _____?"

"Doing what, Barnes? Roaming the Compound like a sleepless zombie?" His hands were gripping your biceps as he kept you trapped, his face inches away.

"Don't play stupid, we both know it won't work."

"Ok, fine. Why the fuck are you avoiding me?"

He looked away but didn't let go. "You know why."

"Bucky, he's not here anymore. Hell, he managed to get back together with Sharon. Why the fuck should it matter anymore?"

He couldn't answer you as he brought his eyes to meet yours. Those brown, puppy dog eyes from your childhood. Without even trying, you broke free of his grip, grabbed his neck, and pulled him in for a rough kiss. A groan escaped him and he pinned you to the wall again. The night became a blur as you fought your way to his bedroom. 

No one was surprised the next day when you walked into the kitchen wearing Bucky's shirt. In fact, if you had been more awake you would have sworn you saw Sam pass money to Nat while she smirked.

You got the standard lecture from Fury about dating coworkers, but even he knew there was a better chance of Thanos coming back from the dead than stopping you two from dating. And to save himself the headache, he made you two an official team for all missions when possible.

"Robocop, your girlfriend is about to kick the door down. Are you close?"

"Trust me, Shell Head, she can do this without me. I got my hands full with these snipers."

You couldn't help but chuckle. “Give me some credit, Stark. I am a big girl.”

“Says the big girl who almost lost her head last week. Literally.”

“Like anyone could predict Hydra would roll old school and set up at axe as a trap.” Your boot connected and the door flew open. Bullets flew by as you waited next to the opening. "That was not in the training manual when Barnes and I were there."

Once the bullets ran out, you charged into the room and began to fight hand-to-hand to prevent them from reloading.

"Just worry about securing the intel, Tony. Nat and I have the compound." As if to summon a genie, Nat flew in right after you to fight a few more that had poured in.

The fight was almost over until one of them pulled out a knife and caught you in the arm.

"Goddamnit!" You growled over the comms. 

"_____?!" Came Bucky's panicked voice.

"I'm fine. Little bastard missed the artery. But looks like Nat'll have to do the heavy lifting."

"Damn straight I am. Head back to the Quinjet."

"Nat-"

"Don't argue, girl. You know damn well you can't pull that knife out here." She looked over her shoulder at you before taking out another Hydra agent.

"Take the knife out?!" Bucky was sounding less and less calm.

"Focus, Barnes! I'm fine!" You began to trace you path back to the Quinjet. And it was, in fact, nothing. The blade that had been stuck in you was two inches at most and after a few stitches, you were good as new. Bucky, on the other hand, was deadly quiet the flight back to New York. 

You knew better than to push him to talk about what was bothering him. Even if you two hadn't been dating for almost three years now, you had also known him since you were twelve. Bucky would come yell at you about your carelessness later.

So when you got home, you went autopilot: gear and weapons checked and put away, trip to the medical bay to double check the hasty stitches, shower and change. When you walked back into the bedroom, you found Bucky sitting on the end of the bed already cleaned and dressed.

He looked up at you and held out his hand. Smiling, you took it and he lead you out of the room, through the compound and up to the roof. Up there Sam and Wanda were finishing setting up a table as Vision set two plates of food and a bottle of wine down. Wanda winked at you as she lead Vision back inside and Sam smiled at Bucky.

"Good luck, man."

You looked back at your friends and then at your boyfriend. "What was that all about?"

"Damn Sam. I was hoping until after dinner but he has such a big mouth." Bucky pulled your chair out and poured you a glass of wine.

"Well, I could sit here and pretend I never heard anything, but we both know it won't last."

He chuckled and there was a nervous tone to it. "Yeah, I guess I should start with my surprise. ____, I've known you for so long and our shared past has made us closer than ever. I was really nervous about dating you, but together we've been able to fight the nightmares off better than before. And when you got hurt today, I knew I needed to stop messing around and make it all official."

Bucky knelt in front of you and pulled out a small box. Inside was a perfect replica of his mother's ring, something Bucky regretted not being able to find.

"What do you say, kid? Wanna run away together?"

You giggled and cried at the same time. Those were Bucky's words to you after he walked you home the day he saved you from those bullies. Back so many years ago and before Steve was in the picture.

There was only one answer then and it was the one you gave now.

"Yes. To any corner of the Earth you want. Just as long as you stay by my side."

"Always, doll." Bucky slipped the ring on your finger and you pulled him in for a long kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No joke, this chapter was kind of a bitch to write. You Bucky fans are relentless in what you want, lol! Which I admire. I hope I did the ending justice as I had never truly written him before.
> 
> I'm going to take a day or two break and then begin to write Ronin and Crush at the same time. The rest of the list - in order - can be found on my tumblr. And while Bucky still isn't on my official list, I do have 2 upcoming fics with him.
> 
> Thanks again!


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